Page 60 of Kane

No, he doesn’t have plans.

Which means he’s free.

I know asking him out is probably a bad idea given the circumstances, but I can’t deny that the thought of hanging out, talking to Ryder, is enticing in a way I’ve never felt. I have a feeling seeing him, hearing him, talking to him…

Will make me feel better, if only for a little bit.

Maybe for the both of us.

Kane: We should hang out, then. Grab some dinner and talk.

That is what friends do. They hang out. Eat dinner together. Talk.

I can’t remember the last time Carter and I just hung out. Got a beer. Talked about dumb, meaningless shit. Probably not since before he met Nash.

I could tell Ryder about the cats. About Pumpkin, maybe. See if he might want to adopt one or if he knows anyone who might. When he doesn’t answer right away, I think maybe I just fucked up. So I try to smooth it over so it doesn’t sound like I’m coming on too strong. Make sure he knows this isn’t a date.

Because it’s totally not a date. It’s just two friends doing friendly things friends do.

Kane: Since you like talking so much.

I send him a wink emoji just to be funny, but realize as he messages back, how painful the truth actually is. I am afraid he’ll say no, but… I can handle rejection. If anything, I’m used to it.

Even when I was in school, I didn’t hang out with my peers. I was a bit of a loner. Kept to myself. I liked it better that way. Aside from a couple hook ups at a few parties and sneaking out to go to clubs and get drunk and laid, I realize I’ve never actually been on a date.

A real date, anyway.

And suddenly the fear magnifies because I think I do want this to be a date.

Shit.

Ryder’s text chimes, pulling my momentary focus.

Ryder: I’d like that.

A wave of relief hits me, and it’s like the air has been knocked out of me.

He’d like that.

To hang out with me. Grab some dinner with me.

And that fact is enough to chases the anxiety away for the briefest moment.

Ryder wants to hang out with me!

Ryder: See you when I get off.

Before I can text him back, he sends a string of texts through, each one more embarrassing and hilarious than the last.

Ryder: WORK

Ryder:’ When get off WORK I mean

Ryder: Not the other get off

Ryder: NVM forget that. I’m cancelling. I’m going to my funeral tonight.

I laugh, really laugh.