Page 44 of Kane

Master K, I want to come.

Please let me come, Sir.

The words aren’t new, and they certainly won’t be the last I hear of them, but… there was something about the way he said them; the way he pleaded with me. I wanted to give him precisely what he wanted. Not because it was my job, or because of obligations, but simply because I wanted to.

Because I want him. More than I think I knew before I walked into this building today.

But now I can’t unknow the truth. Truth is petty like that.

And now that I know the danger Ryder possesses for me, how will I proceed? And for that matter, can we proceed at all?

What if the fresh air clears his head? What if the space breeds remorse and Ryder never wants to see or speak to me again after what happened?

I shove the thoughts aside, because I can’t think about that right now. I need to leave my shit at the door, like Tim always does. I stop outside the door to group, peeking in to see if someone’s talking. I don’t want to interrupt or anything, so I’d rather wait until I see Tim talking to knock and come in.

My breath is still evening out, my heart still racing. I still feel the warmth, the buzz in my veins from his kiss.

I can’t remember the last time I truly kissed a man. It’s been years.

I can assume I have, but I don’t know for sure since every time I’ve slept with someone in the last six years involved me getting black out drunk.

But I just kissed Ryder.

Moments ago.

And I can still feel him on my lips, on my skin, and I’m certainly not drunk.

Not off of alcohol, anyway.

Tim nods and starts talking, and I brace myself for the inevitable and open the door.

“Kane, was starting to think you weren’t coming today,” Tim says as everyone turns to look at me.

Panic and anxiety swell inside me, and heat starts to rise. There’s an ache in my head, and my vision starts to blur.

Oh no.

No, no, this can’t be happening, not now, not—

I feel someone’s hands on my shoulder, and then a familiar voice speaks.

“You good?” Carter asks, and I hear the concern there.

I nod. “Yeah. Just… wicked headache,” I say. “That’s why I’m late.”

I look at Carter briefly, noting the frown on his face. He doesn’t believe me. But he doesn’t have to.

“I’m good,” I say blinking, I ease out of his touch and head over to my seat, which is empty.

Almost as if everyone left it that way on purpose. We don’t have assigned seats or anything, and the group size changes all the time.

I sit in my seat, rubbing my temples as Tim greets me. “Well, glad to have you as always.”

I close my eyes as Tim talks, as other people in the group talk; though their words are like white noise. Everything sounds funny; like I’m underwater. Heat flushes through me, and I pinch the spot between my eyes. Black spots appear in my vision, and suddenly I feel like I’m sliding backwards, like the world is moving too fast and another memory pushes through. Just like last time…

“How much longer?” I ask, rubbing my eyes. It’s dark. The dark-haired girl beside me is asleep on the seat, and I realize Mama’s friend is sitting up front with her, and we’re in a car…

“Not much longer, baby,” the woman—Mama’s friend—says as she turns around and smiles at me. She has dark hair, too. Ruby red lips. But her eyes look different than the little girl’s. They aren’t green.