Page 29 of Knotted their Beauty

“That won’t happen. You’re important to Calista. You need to believe that.”

Arlo dips his head quickly as he nods, wrapping a towel around his waist before getting into the back seat.

“What the fuck are you doing?” At least Ves waited until the door closed before biting my head off.

“You’re a mean fucker, huh?” I ask, smirking as I begin walking backward. Dammit, I’m going to need to speed on the highway. Hopefully the patrolmen aren’t trying to make their quota today or I’ll be fucked. “If you don’t show the guy you’re interested instead of growling all the time, you’re going to lose him. Those eyes are the window to everything you need to know about him. If I were a betting man, and my mama wouldn’t poison me for it, I’d say he’s definitely going to call me. After all, it seems as if you work enough to need a nanny, right? He’s lonely and you’re neglecting him.”

Ves flinches before getting into the front seat. The only thing keeping him from slamming the door is the iron clad control he seems to have over his emotions. His kid is in the vehicle, he can’t act like a toddler.

This doesn’t keep me from throwing my fist in the air in my own moment of victory and heading quickly to my van.

Good luck, Arlo. I hope you get lucky tonight.

ARLO

Tossing the remote control to the side, I huff in frustration. Ves isn’t back yet from working his crime scene, Calista has been in bed for hours, and I’m about ready to turn in for the sole reason that I’m bored and lonely.

I should be happy to have full time work, a place to sleep, and money. Ves figured out my issues with the bank, despite his grumbling, but I feel as if I’m a burden, and I hate that.

There are too many things I don’t know how to do. My life experience revolves around my ability to survive under intense pressure and that’s it. I doubt they’re giving out any kind of awards for staying alive.

My mind spirals with depressive thoughts as I think about all the normal things people do. They know how to drive a car, hell, they even live out of them and they aren’t homeless.

Lennox’s van looked really cozy, and according to him, his life is full of adventure. My bad mood doesn’t care that I’m studying to get my learner’s permit to add driving to my list of abilities. I feel like sulking.

Meeting Lennox is making me think too much, which is a dangerous thing for me. I want…more. It feels wrong to want this when I look around at the large suite I’m sitting in. My basic needs are met, more so than most, which means this should be enough, right? Compared to my life before, I’m rich with creature comforts. It’s the same thing I keep revolving back to, and I’m stuck in a rut.

Sometimes, I forget my place. When Ves is playful and happy, I want to drown in his presence. I loved playing in the ocean with Cali yesterday, but lost my way when Ves wrapped his arms around me and dunked me in to make her squeal with laughter. Because at the end of the day, he was very quick to remind me I’m just the nanny.

His talk about being family doesn’t extend past employment, and therefore feels transactional.

I sigh as my body collapses in on itself like a kicked puppy, and I hate it. It’s been Ves and Cali against the world for a long time, and it’ll continue to be once I’m gone. I’m simply an employee. I need to remember this before I get hurt any further.

My eyes burn as I force myself to sit with this feeling and swallow back tears. I’m no one, nothing, and I never fucking will be. Ugh, fuck me, man. I have really low self esteem and a host of other issues. I can hear my father in my head telling me to suck it up and to quit being a “goddamned baby.”

Even though he’s dead, his voice still rings clearly in my mind. He’s burning in hell, and yet…

The beep of the key card being read has me swiping at the tears dripping off my chin. Too much time alone is a terrible thing for me. I need a fucking hobby if Ves is going to be reguarly traveling the way he told me he would be. I meant what I told Lennox: I desperately need to know where my next meal is coming from and where I’m going to sleep.

I can’t let my stupid feelings get in the way of a softer life. I’ve been a punching bag for far too long.

It means I’ll kowtow to the boss man, call him whatever he wants, and stay in my own damn lane. Lennox’s card is in the room off the large suite, taunting me. His green eyes said he would give me things I can’t even imagine, but it would undoubtedly only be for one night before he continued on his way.

I’m not worth any more than this.

Alphas like him are too beautiful to settle down. His entire lifestyle revolves around being free and untethered. Someone like that would give me an incredible orgasm and then throw me away.

My heart is broken enough.

Standing swiftly, I walk as quickly as possible without running toward my room.

“Arlo?”

Keep moving. Don’t stop. I don’t understand why he asked me to extend my time in San Clemente with Calista if he was going to spend the entire time working. I know serial killers don’t take time off, I’m just in a shit mood.

I almost trip as I break into a run, like a scared little mouse. Ves March is really, really bad for me and I know he’s another person who could break my heart. He’s such a great father, his smile is fucking devastating, but he’s married to his job.

“Woah, slow down. What are you running from?”