Page 66 of Ruck Me Harder

Cari is across the locker room, getting ready for the day. She shakes her head and smiles.

“You didn’t have to hear it,” she chimes in. “I thought my earplugs and white noise machine would be enough. They weren’t.”

“I’m sorry,” I tell her for the third time.

When I came downstairs for breakfast this morning, Al gave me a sarcastic round of applause and Cari wouldn’t meet my eyes. Tony looked proud of himself, the fucker.

“Our Viv is a little loud, huh?” Kiana grins. “Never would have guessed.”

“I’m scarred for life,” Cari says as she rolls her eyes and smiles.

“Okay, but have you seen him?” I ask the girls. “He’s hot as fuck.”

“I’m glad he’s treating you well,” Grace says, slapping my back. “If anyone deserves a little bit of happiness, it’s you, Cap. You know you’re allowed to relax and have fun sometimes, right?”

“Relax? What’s that?” I joke.

Between rugby, working on endorsements, and taking care of my physical health, I don’t have much time for fun. My monthly get together with my book club is sometimes the only time I get to take a load off. I don’t know the last time I took the time for a bubble bath.

Kiana frowns. “You need to take time for yourself too. You can’t always put the rest of us ahead.”

“I’ll try.” My promise is empty and we all know it.

Although with Tony going away for a few weeks… Now is as good a time as any to practice some self-care.

He leaves tomorrow for the Netherlands and the competition. The time difference isn’t terrible—it’s not like he’s going to Australia, where they hosted the competition last year—but it’s the first time we’ll be apart for more than twenty-four hours since we started dating.

It hasn’t been very long, but I’ve grown accustomed to sleeping beside him every night. I don’t know what I’m going to do without him. It’s crazy how quickly I’ve become addicted to him.

And it’s more than the sex. Yeah, that’s great. He’s always attentive, always makes sure my pleasure is a priority. I never feel uncomfortable or unappreciated.

The way he supports me—emotionally, yes, but also with my goals, with pushing myself to be better, to do better. He works himself to the bone, but he’s never made me feel like I’m not important. He’s made clear that he values me and wants me in his life. I wish I could show him how important he is to me.

The team gathers on the pitch for training. For once, I’m on top of things. I play some of the best rugby of my life in our scrimmage. And after, when we hit the weights room, I feel like I can achieve anything.

“So you’re coming with us, right?” Kiana says, slinging her arm around my shoulders as we head back to the locker room.

“Going where?”

“The cute new diner down the road,” Grace chimes in.

“Sure, I can do that.”

Tony’s at the shelter for another few hours, helping the vet tech with a bunch of immunizations. It’s not like I have anything else on my agenda for the day.

After a refreshing shower, I put on clean clothes and throw my wet hair into a quick braid before gathering with the rest of the girls. There are seven of us going for a late lunch.

I meant it when I told Cari these girls are my sisters. They’re my family. Things have been a bit different lately, but just because I have a boyfriend now doesn’t mean I’m not wholly devoted to them. To us.

While I’m thinking about it, I pull out my phone and send a quick “hi, I’m alive” to my siblings’ group chat. Chuck and Perry use it mostly to taunt each other, Bradley almost never responds, Janine never has her phone on her, and Frankie will send memes and gifs in response to every single question she’s asked.

It feels like the responsibility falls on my shoulders to moderate it, to make sure everyone’s okay. My therapist says that’s an oldest child trait and not particularly healthy. It’s not my job to ensure everyone else is eating right and training hard and feeling comfortable in their skin. It’s not bad to care about them; but it’s not my responsibility to manage their lives for them. I have to let them live and either thrive or fail on their own. It’s hard. I want to protect my little siblings, even though they’re all adults who can take care of themselves.

Knowing Tony is the same way… I feel a little guilty for stealing him away from his siblings the last two weeks. They don’t get much time together and I’ve been hoarding him for myself.

I enjoyed our dinner and a movie last night. As long as they’re okay with having me there, I’ll make sure we split our time a little more evenly between our places. I don’t want them to resent me for taking him away from them.

Lunch goes a long way toward refilling my energy tank. I didn’t realize how much I needed this social time with my girls. Thankfully, there’s more interesting conversation than my sex life.