Page 76 of Ghost Ribbon

My chest tightened. It was such a small admission, but from Alexei, it felt like a massive, jagged boulder dropped into still water. “You met someone?” I asked. “Is he… your friend?”

Alexei shook his head, a wry, almost bitter slant touching his mouth. “No. We’re not friends.”

He didn’t elaborate, but there was an undeniable undertone in the way he spoke about this person, a rare resonance that sounded close to fondness.

A sudden ache bloomed right in the center of my chest. It actually hurt. My heart squeezed painfully, a hollow sensation spreading through my ribs.

Am I… jealous?

The realization terrified me. I didn’t have the right to be jealous. I was a captive, a plaything. I dropped my gaze, staring intently at the ground between our feet, trying to swallow down the lump forming in my throat.

“He must be special,” I whispered, the words tasting like ash.

“He is,” Alexei replied.

I lowered my head even more, wishing the balcony would give way beneath me. Why did his validation of someone else cut so deep? Why did I care? I was being an idiot. He was just toying with me, after all. He was probably bored and I was falling right into -

Suddenly, a broad hand caught me by the chin.

His grip was unyielding, forcing my head up so fast my neck clicked. I had no choice but to look at him. My vision was already blurring, my eyes stinging and hot, and I tried desperately to blink the dampness away before the tears could spill over. Alexei’s eyebrows furrowed as he searched my face.

“What is wrong?” he demanded.

I tried to shake my head, to twist out of his hold, but his fingers braced firmly against my jaw. “Nothing…” I choked out.

His grip tightened. “What is wrong?” he pushed, his voice dropping to a gravelly, demanding growl. He stepped closer, crowding my space, refusing to let me hide. “Tell me.”

“I’m just… I’m wondering,” I started, the words tumbling out in a breathless, frantic rush, my voice cracking under the pressure. “What are you doing to me? Are you… are you going to kill me when you get bored? Is that what this is? Are you mentally trying to torment me, breaking me down piece by piece so you can just end me after you’ve had your fun?”

I took a ragged, trembling breath.

“I don’t understand you. You stayed away for an entire year and now you’re all over me and I’m… I’m just so confused. And I’m a bit scared.”

I was blubbering now, completely out of breath.

“I mean, obviously I don’t want to die, but if you really want to do it, I know I won’t really stop you. It isn’t like I even can! You’re stronger than me, you’re richer than me, you have everything and I have nothing. But you’re messing with my head, and you’re making me feel things, and I don’t know what’s real anymore, and I don’t know what I am to you, and it’s just—”

I was spiraling, my words turning into a pathetic, frantic babble as I tried to articulate the sheer terror of being completely at his mercy.

But I didn’t get to finish.

His hand slid from my jaw to the back of my neck, his fingers tangling firmly into my hair to tilt my head back. He leaned down, and his lips crashed against mine to shut me up.

The words died instantly in my throat, replaced by a soft gasp that he immediately caught and drank in. His tongue tangled with mine as if he were trying to physically pour himself directly into my lungs.

Alexei pulled back slowly. My head was spinning. My lungs burned.

One of his hands came up to gently cup the side of my face.

“Get those thoughts out of your head,” he said quietly. “I would never kill you.”

I hadn’t realized how tightly I had been holding onto that fear until he said it out loud. My eyes stung again, but this time the tears felt different.

He leaned in and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. Something inside me just… melted. The tension in my shoulders eased. My fingers loosened their desperate grip on his shirt. I let myself lean into him completely, pressing my forehead against his chest and breathing in the scent of him.

He held me like that for a few seconds longer, then he bent slightly and slid one arm behind my knees. The other stayed around my back.

I let out a surprised little yelp as my feet left the ground.