Page 168 of Ghost Ribbon

My dad spoke too. “Always,” he only said one word but I think it’s because he was shaking so hard he probably couldn’t speak properly even if he tried.

“You are the best parents. I want you to know that.”

They hugged me.

Both of them. Together. And I felt small again. I was thrown back to the time I was a little kid who would curl between them.

When it was time for them to go home, my mom looked over her shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Yes, Mama,” I lied.

My brother stayed a little longer.

He had been in the corner of the room the whole time. He didn’t disturb the conversation I had with my parents but now I saw Luca approaching.

He sat down next to me and he signed. Are you okay?

“Hm. I have something to ask you.” I pulled a notebook from under my pillow.

The one filled with sketches and poems, I handed it to him.

“I want you to keep this safe. And I want you to give it to Alexei if something happens to me, okay?”

Luca shook his head frantically.

His hands moved. Fast. He was producing gestures at a speed that was difficult to follow even for someone who had been reading these hands their entire life.

No. Why are you asking me this? Nothing will happen to you. Why are you saying this?

Do you feel that bad? Let’s go to the hospital. We can go now. We can -

I grabbed his hands, both of them.

I pulled them into mine, held them and sighed. “Luca.”

His lip trembled as if he was about to cry. I gave him a soft smile and said, “I love you. You know this, right? I love you so much. From the moment you were born and Mama let me hold your tiny body in my arms, I have loved you.”

His hands went still in mine.

“All I wanted to do was protect you. But it turned out the other way around, didn’t it?”

I laughed softly. “You protected me. You were always the one protecting me.” I released his hands and brushed the hair out of his face. “You are so strong. You never back down when you want something. You never let anyone get to you. You are not afraid to speak up for yourself and you are always keeping your head up.” I looked at his face. He was beautiful and I wished I was here to watch him grow. I’m a bit scared to leave him behind. The world can be cruel and I don’t want him to go through it alone. “You are so amazing. You are the strongest person I know.”

He made a sound. It was a choking one, where his mouth opened and a strangled noise came out. I soothed him by caressing his cheek. “I am handing this to you,” I lifted the notebook, “because I believe you are the only one who can do it. If something happens, I need you to do this for me, okay?”

Luca was crying. The tears tracked down his cheek and I wished I could make it stop.

He hugged me and sobbed softly into my arms.

Within the notebook lay a letter.

Chapter 40 - Marco

I was looking out through the window at the world that was continuing to exist even though I was no longer participating in it.

Alexei came behind me and I felt him before I saw him. His arms wrapped around me from behind. “Hi, beautiful.”

He called me that often.