Page 167 of Ghost Ribbon

I didn’t think he did anything other than watch me.

And I could feel it would end soon.

I didn’t know when. I didn’t know how. I just knew that bodies told you things when they were getting ready to stop - that it was close.

The amount of medication and infusion I was going through every day was countless.

Pills in the morning. Pills in the afternoon. Pills in the evening. Pills that had to be taken with food, pills that had to be taken without food, pills that had to be taken at exact intervals or they wouldn’t work, pills that had to be taken with water, pills that had to be taken without water.

And despite all of it my heart was still too slow.

I sometimes couldn’t even get out of bed.

My parents came today.

They came because I couldn’t go to them. Going anywhere by car was a hard task for me lately so anyone who wanted to see me came to me. My parents came every few days, when they could. They sat beside my bed and they talked to me. Alexei always gave me space with them whenever they did.

Today my mom and dad were sitting next to my bed.

My mom was talking.

She was telling me about her garden and that she planted strawberries for me.

“I can’t wait to feed you,” she said, her voice bright.

I smiled.

Knowing I wouldn’t taste them.

The strawberries would grow and would ripen but I wouldn’t be here to eat them.

I nodded. “I can’t wait.”

She caressed my face as if she could feel the lie.

“Mama, Papa.”

“Yes?” They both answered in unison.

I looked at my mother’s face, the maternal warmth that lived in her expression even since I was little. She always made me feel so loved.

Then I looked at my dad. There was so much affection in his eyes for me and I memorized it, hoping I could carry it with me on the other side of the world.

“Thank you for everything.”

My mom trembled. “What do you mean?” Her voice was shaking a bit. “What is there to thank me for?”

I caressed her hand and sighed. “I know how hard this was for you, since I was little. You fought so hard for me. You and Papa. You fought and you sacrificed and you gave up everything and you never…you never once made me feel like I was a burden.”

My mom’s face broke but I kept talking. “You never once made me feel like I was too much. Even when I was. You never let me see it. You always smiled. You always said it would be okay.”

I could see my dad struggling to breathe.

“I’m grateful for it,” I smiled. “I’m grateful for you both. I love you so much. And I hope I managed to make you proud.”

My mom was trying not to cry. She had been trying the whole time but now tears were all over.

“We are proud of you,” she said, and her voice was destroyed. “Always, tesoro. Always.”