Page 47 of How We Loved

“Am I being stupid.”

“Honestly.”

“Of course.”

“Then yeah, you are. Ben and you are this epic love story, the kind of love most people just dream about while they plod on with the mundane. You get to live that love, so who cares who knows, more the better, right? Tell every damn person how lucky you are if you can.”

“Can I tell you something and you don’t tell anyone, not even Tristan?”

“Oh God. Please don’t be pregnant again, we haven’t recovered from last time yet.”

I rolled my eyes. “No. And jeez, everyone says I’m dramatic.”

“Well, what then?”

I’d just like to note that Meredith in no way at all looked like she was in a desperate need to get back to studying. In fact, I couldn’t see any evidence that she’d been studying at all. Now she had Hope on her chest for her afternoon snooze, and I knew better than anyone there was no excuse better than a napping baby to sit on the sofa and watch daytime TV.

“I’ve been offered a bit of a random opportunity.”

“Uh-huh?”

“Remember Zoe Benedict who printed those articles for me.”

“Yeah...”

“She wants to serialize my diaries as a column for the newspaper she works for.”

Meredith’s mouth dropped open. “For real?”

“I think so.” I shrugged.

“What does Ben say?”

God darn it. “I haven’t told him.”

“You what? Are you crazy?”

“We were about to start the tour. I just wanted to focus on him while he got to grips with performing again. You know how he’s been, Mer. Any excuse and he would have jacked it in and done tummy time with Hope every day.”

“Well when are you going to tell him.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. And honestly today kind of felt like a good reason not to even consider it. Ben’s not going to want everyone knowing every sordid detail from our lives together.”

“Well, you did say you wanted to write a book, maybe this is the start.”

Had I? I thought I’d always kept that to myself. She grinned at me. “June, Year One. You were slurring about it.”

“See! Another reason... Everyone will just think I’m this pathetic pisshead.”

“Or everyone will think you have the most amazing capacity to turn a life misspent into a riveting drama.”

We lapsed into silence, just the sound of Hope’s little snored puffs of air filling the room. Finally, Meredith broke it. “You’d be crazy not to think about it, Lil. At least tell Ben, don’t make decisions for him, you know how badly that turns out. And go back to Song-Time. I bet each and every one of those women has been puked on at some point recently.”

“In the mouth?” I asked with an arch of my eyebrows.

“Maybe not. But just think about how funny that will be in your newspaper column.”

I left Hope sleeping with Mer and have come upstairs. I’m sitting at my antique writing desk the former owner of the house left me when she moved out to a retirement home. I’ve been flicking through my diaries.