Page 26 of How We Loved

Not him.

That was weird; the call was from Zoe Benedict from the magazine I wrote the articles about Ben for. She started saying something, an opportunity she hoped I’d be interested in, but I had to cut her off. “Sorry, can’t right now. I’m in labour.”

They aren’t words I ever thought I’d say.

Of course, she apologized profusely and swiftly ended the call.

I’m going to have to go downstairs and see if anyone is in. Oh my god, I’ve just remembered what Juanita said about the umbilical cord. I’m going to have to feel. Christ.

Nope. Can’t feel anything.

Oooh.

Big Braxton Hick.

Going downstairs to see if Mer is there. I don’t know why Ben isn’t answering. He’s never ignored me, not on purpose before. I hope he’s okay. Why does nothing ever go straightforward for me?

Later... much...much... later

She’s here. I have a daughter.

Need to sleep now.

My fanny may never recover.

She’s gorgeous though and so worth every moment of... well actually I can’t remember anything bad right now.

27th November

I’ve had two hours of sleep, and I’m sitting on a donut-shaped cushion. The painkillers definitely wore off. That was some good stuff. However, I haven’t lost sleep because I’m in pain or traumatized (more on that in a moment), or that she’s been crying. We don’t have a name (more on that in a minute too). No. I’ve been up all night checking that she’s breathing or just standing and staring at her.

At one point, Ben and I were both awake, just standing by her cot, watching her little lips move with her tiny small breaths. And it was in that moment as I looked at her and then up at him that I felt it. I felt my heart swell and grow, encompassing all three of us into this small, neat little package that will always, undeniably, be ours.

It was also in that moment, seeing that look on his face, that I wanted to marry him. I wanted his surname in the most awful and old-fashioned way. I wanted to be Delilah Chambers and just be. That’s what it would mean. I’d just be. And I’d be happy forever.

Of course, I didn’t tell him any of this because I fell face first on the bed and slipped into a coma for fifteen minutes until I woke to check her breathing again.

Where to start?

With the birth, my memories have started to come back, and well, it wasn’t pretty. I’d staggered down the stairs to see if anyone was in, hoping like hell Meredith was there. Three steps down, what Ben has since assured me were only fifteen, the Braxton Hicks became much worse. A lot worse. Also, a fun birthing fact: When your waters go, they don’t just gush and that’s it like flushing a toilet. No. They keep on coming. By the time I was down five steps, the Braxton Hicks were no longer Braxton Hicks at all but rather full-on contractions, which managed to squeeze out more amniotic fluid all down the carpet. I fell against Mer and Tristan’s door and groaned like a wild animal about to attack. It hurt; there are no two other ways to look at it. It hurt like hell.

Like period pain on steroids.

“Mer?” I hammered on the door only to nearly fall through when Tristan opened it, a piece of toast hanging from his mouth.

“Gross,” I managed to mutter before clenching down for another mammoth contraction. This was nowhere close to being funny.

“Lilah?” he questioned but I couldn’t answer because I was doing my wild animal impression again.

“Mother fucker.” I groaned, before looking up at Tristan who had his mouth wide open, toast, somehow still dangling. “Get Ben. Now.” I ground out.

I don’t think I actually registered right then that this was happening. I was in labour and about to give birth to my first child. Those words, even after all the months to get used to them, still seemed alien, like they were about someone other than me. Everything just happened, one wave of pain, one moment to the next, taking me from what I was before yesterday, to what I am today.

Tristan must have been frozen with shock because I was on another contraction before he’d even moved.

“Go Tristan, go. Get Ben.”

I didn’t actually need to say anymore because Mer appeared at the door and took one glance at the state of me. “Right, Lilah. Let’s get upstairs and ring Juanita.”