Page 21 of How We Loved

I leant my head on his shoulder. “I just don’t want to be the crap one, you know? You’re always so good at everything , it all seems to come so easy to you.”

Using a finger he tilted my chin so we were facing each other in the shadows. “Honestly?”

“Always.”

“I totally shit myself when Freddy started making that noise.”

“You did?”

“Hell, yes. I’m just hoping our baby is more tuneful.” I clutched his hand and squeezed his fingers.

“Thank you.”

“What for? Getting you up the duff?”

“Just being you.”

We settled in silence for a little while. Every single part of me hurt and the baby had decided it was time for it’s hyper hour., Ben put his hand on there and every so often his hand got a firm kick. I didn’t tell him that actually it hurt a little.

Eventually I said., “I’m not backing down, but I think maybe we should try and get into a private parenting group. We’ve missed all the free NHS ones.”

“Okay.”

“And we should probably get the pram.”

“Okay.”

“And think of a name.”

He kissed me then. Mainly to shut me up

16th November

Ben has managed to get us in on a Bupa parenting course. I don’t know whether to be scared or excited. Maybe this will be the moment in my life when people finally realise once and for all, I don’t know shit about anything, the major thing being right now, having a baby.

Later

“Lilah.” Ben nudged me awake. I’d been fast asleep in Deathtrap Cooper, my inability to sleep at night is turning me into a sloth during the day. “We’re here.”

I rubbed my eyes and then glanced around. There were lots of cars, Mercedes, Tesla’s, and Audis as well as loads of pushchairs and buggies. All of them were those posh ones that look like something from space, and that’s the prams not the cars.

“Where are we?”

Ben scratched his head and then glanced around. “Um. Parenting group, remember.”

“Why have they all bought their prams?” I looked at the buggies again. “Ben. These buggies cost thousands.”

“Um, yeah.”

“We’ve parked Deathtrap Cooper next to a Bugaboo.” I pointed out the offending vehicle. “That’s an ugly pram.”

Ben turned with a lip hitch to face me. “Ever considered the fact we’re in an ugly car.”

I gasped and placed my hands on Deathtrap's dash, it was bit of a painful stretch over the bump. “Don’t say that; she can hear you.”

Ben chuckled and then glanced at the building the pram-park was fronting. “Are we going in there?”

“I think we need to, Ben. I know I like to wing things pretty much all the time, but I’m not sure we can fluke parenting.”