Page 11 of How We Loved

When we got home, baby’s location expensively confirmed, Meredith came up, and we sat on the floor in what’s supposed to be the nursery. “Why don’t you start decorating? I can’t believe you haven’t done it already. It’s only a few weeks to go. Have you packed your emergency hospital bag yet?” she asked. I opened my mouth to bite her head off and chew it up for a mid-morning snack, but she stopped me by saying, “Only for a just-in-case.”

“No! I don’t want negative thoughts in my head.”

She bit her lip, looking unsure, but clearly not keen on saying anything else. It’s quite handy; being this scary.

“Tell me about uni? What’s going on? I never thought I’d say this, but I miss it.”

Mer leaned forward and patted my leg, then shifted back again, clearly too scared to stay too close for too long. “Not much. Richard is still skulking and being ignored by everyone.”

“Good, good.”

Luckily, I didn’t see him on campus during the few lessons I managed to go to before my enormous girth prevented me from comfortably sitting in lessons.

“Pilchard is harassing all the freshers. One poor girl was crying yesterday as she came out of his lecture.”

“He’s not all bad, he means well.”

Meredith narrowed her gaze at me. “You’ve changed. Where’s my best friend?”

“Pregnant and deranged.”

“What about Beth and Jayne, they seemed okay at the wedding. How has it already been a month since the wedding? Life is just whizzing by, and I don’t seem to be doing very much.”

“Okay,” she confirmed. “I’m not sure they will ever simply be friends again though.”

“That’s so sad,” I said, but my voice wobbled, and Meredith waved her hand. “No, that’s not what I meant. I meant everything is fine.” She glanced around the room again. “Come on, Lilah. Let’s organize the baby’s bedroom.”

I didn’t move, and I didn’t say anything, so she shifted along until we were side by side. “What’s going on, Lil? We’ve been best mates forever now, and I know when you’re avoiding.”

“Have I watched Grease?”

“No.”

“Have I watched four hours of the Antiques Roadshow?”

“Well, no.” She smiled but picked up my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Talk to me.”

“I just don’t want to jinx anything. The baby’s finally the right way down. I’ve just got to sit through the next few weeks. I don’t want anything to go wrong.”

“Lilah.” Dropping my hand, she grasped my face in her palms and made me look at her. “Nothing is going to go wrong. You’ve got this.”

I shook my head. Damn tears lurking near the surface again. “What if this is the one thing I do really fuck up.”

She grinned. “Shhh. The baby can hear you.”

“Oh, who are we kidding, the least of my problems is going to be if it swears. I might leave it in Asda.”

Mer frowned in confusion but then clearly figured it was better not to ask. “Come on. I’ll drive us to B&Q, and we can get some paint samples. I refuse to let this baby come home to a plain room. You’re going to start nesting soon, and it will drive you crazy if the room isn’t ready.”

Ahh! I’ve read about nesting. I doubt very much it will happen to me; I’ve never been much into cleaning. “What do you mean, come home? It’s being born here.”

Mer took a deep breath and then let it out, very much like the nasally breathing Ben’s been doing around me.

“Are we going or not?”

“Going. But I need a snack first.”

“It’s half-past nine.”