Page 88 of How We Began

I let him pull me out and we tangled fingers as we walked up the short driveway. Outside the box red front door he slid a key out of his pocket. And, yes, I did stare a little as his hand slipped into his tight pocket. Clearly it’s a ‘thing’ of mine.

The lock clicked open and he pulled me through, grip tight on my elbow, possibly to stop me for bolting.

“Hey, guys, I’m home!” he called, while in my head I just focused on the words; be normal, Lilah. Be normal.

“Hey, Ben! Hey, Lilah! We’re in the kitchen.”

My gaze met Ben’s and he fought down a grin. “What? Just because it was a surprise for you doesn’t mean it is for everyone.”

I narrowed my gaze into what I hoped was a fearful stare, but he just laughed and tugged me down the hallway into a bright and sunny kitchen. “Mum, this is Lilah. This is Mum.”

I tried not to roll my eyes. Hello, I’m sure she has a name…

“Beverley,” she added as she pulled me into a giant hug. “I’m so pleased to meet you.”

“Mm-mm.” I nodded against her shoulder. “Nice to meet you too.” I swallowed some of her dark hair with my words and Ben almost pried her off me.

“You promised not to be embarrassing.” His long index finger wagged. “Otherwise we’re going.”

“Oh, come off it. You bring a girl home.” Her look was pointed. “My baby’s going away to the States in just weeks.”

My stomach lurched and Ben’s intent stare flicked across my face. “Right, that’s it. We’re off.”

“Ben, noooo.” Laughing she grabbed his arm, pulling him towards a breakfast bar where two dark haired women were sat. One looking at her phone and scrolling, the other holding a red-cheeked raspberry blowing baby. “Thank Christ.” She sighed.

“Ben… Christ is a push.” He reached for the baby, settling it in his arms. The only sound I could hear was the explosion of my ovaries. PING.

How can one man look so beautiful that it makes the rest of existence pale into mediocre black and white, as though he’s fire-engine red against the monochrome of civilization? He noticed my mouth hanging gormlessly—a look I’ve perfected around Ben—and hitched up one side of his mouth. “Do you like babies, Lilah?”

“Umm.” I mean I’m not anti-babies, I’m not pro them either. I’m very much meh.

“Here, hold Archie for a moment.” The raspberry making drool machine was thrust into my hands and I held him at arm’s length.

“Hello. I’m, Delilah,” I said. To which I got a salivary blow of the lips and a snort from Ben.

“He’s not a business associate. He’s six months old and communicates in giggles and farts.”

I studied Archie as his brown eyes stared back at me. I mean he wasn’t all bad. Until his nappy vibrated against my hand.

“God, was that wind?” Holy fuck, it smelled of broccoli and maybe plums.

The sister, who I’d later found out was Rose—Lily was the other one—shook her head. “Nope. That, Lilah, was a shart. Ben, you’re up.”

“So, Lilah, are you going with Ben?” Beverly asked as she gathered up cake plates and empty mugs. I jumped up to help but she waved me back down. Ben had a face like thunder, a beautiful scowling cloud. Only put there after we’d looked through photo albums and I’d seen his ears before he’d had them pinned back. They were cute. An expression he didn’t take well.

“Um, no.” All fun is forgotten as I remembered all too well that none of this was real and soon Ben would be gone. “I’ll be at Uni next year.”

Without your son, which means Uni will become unbearable and a torment to my soul. Clearly I kept my sad stalker thoughts to myself.

“That’s a shame,” she said, wiping up some stray crumbs. “Well, you never know what will happen in the long run.”

Ben glared at her. “Right. I think it’s time to be heading off.”

“Really? Already?” I was a little sad to leave. It was the most normal family time I’d ever experienced. How I would like my family to be, but I know it will never happen.

As we got ready to go, all three of them gave me big hugs and kisses, the same as they gave to Ben. Archie’s nappy was nuclear again—what do they feed him? So apologizing, Rose ducked up the stairs.

Beverley leaned in and whispered as she squeezed my hand, “I know we’ll meet again. You’re always very welcome here, Lilah.”