Page 39 of How We Began

So Tristan is going to Hell in Surrey and I’ll be by myself at Christmas. I quite like this idea. It is something I’ve never done before. I’ve never had a Christmas where I’ve been able to do what I want, when I want. It sounds like fun.

I’m thinking fluffy pyjama’s, mince pies, and good old fashioned Christmas telly.

12th December

Who am I kidding? It’s gonna suck being by myself. I am going to end up listening to that awful thing they do on Capital Radio when they have people calling in and telling their Christmas morning sob stories so that everyone ends up crying into their Buck's Fizz.

Hell, I might even end up calling in myself and it would go something like this.

“Our next caller is Lilah, from Putney. She’s spending Christmas by herself after alienating everyone who ever loved her. So what happened, Lilah, for you to end up by yourself on Christmas Day like a sad fuck with no friends?”

“Well, I went to uni in an attempt to change my life and escape from the clutches of my controlling family. And, well, I ended up falling in love with the boy next door. So after having lots and lots of sex and thinking that I had the perfect future just within my grasp, I found him in bed with a girl I hate—”

“Hold on, Lilah! Let me stop you there. So did he actually cheat on you?”

“Well, yes. But probably no. It wasn’t really like that. Anyway, I did this big thing and changed everything, making my parents never talk to me again and upsetting everyone, and it was all for nothing.”

“But he didn’t technically cheat on you?”

“Well no, so it seems, but now I’m paranoid, because he’s too beautiful for me, and I always do this thing where I rush into everything and never think things through, and, and, and…”

“Well, we seem to have lost our connection with Lilah in Putney, let’s hope she sees sense soon. Now let’s talk to Sharron on Line Two, whose dog has just been run over this morning by the Rotary Club’s out-of-control Santa Claus Sleigh.”

Oh God. Just kill me.

13th December

I miss Ben.

I miss his eyes.

I miss his laugh.

I miss his bum.

I miss him barefoot in jeans.

And, yes, I’ve been at the vodka again.

Vodka is good. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside.

14th December

(9.30 a.m.)

Right, that does it.

No more moping about. Ever. It’s been over a month since I left the dorm and I’ve not heard from Ben in days. Or is it weeks? I’ve lost count.

Time to sort it, Lilah Procrastinate McCannon.

No more feeling sorry for yourself. No more vodka. I am going to study. I am going to pass these bloody modules if it kills me.

I am going to the library right now.

(11.00 a.m.)

“Library Closed” until after Christmas.