Page 24 of How We Began

Meredith returned with the hair wax and three bottles of wine. Obviously, the haircut forced her hand on the bottle count and she decided we needed one each, plus some. Half an hour later, she had tamed the crazy fuzz cut into something that actually looks rather sexy, and I had to take a moment to admire myself in the mirror.

“It makes your neck look very kissable.” Ben came up behind me and planted one on my exposed flesh to demonstrate his point.

Meredith had already finished her bottle of wine.

“Shmakes yours eyes big,” she slurred.

“Thanks, guys.” I completely meant it.

Ben gave me a look that I could have read a million different ways. Then he nodded towards the door, and I followed him out. In the hallway, he grabbed me and pushed me back against the wall, his lips on mine, his hands running free over my body.

“Your room or mine?” he asked, voice slightly strangled and breathless. My skin ached at every press of his body. “I need to make out with you like we’re fifteen and I’ve just discovered how to unclasp a bra one handed.”

“Maybe you can show me. I still can’t do that.”

Chuckling I followed him, a bit guilty that I’d left a drunk Meredith in the lounge, but come on… who would resist an invitation like that?

12th October

I need to ring John. I can’t leave him hanging without a word. Well, I could, but I’m a lunatic not a bitch.

I must do it over the weekend.

Ben’s favourite colour is green.

Ben first played guitar when he was seven.

Ben can also play the piano, but prefers the guitar.

15th October

I must ring John.

I’ll do it by the end of the week.

Ben broke his arm when he was ten after falling out what he thought was a tree, but turned out to be an overgrown shrub unable to hold his weight.

Ben has known the drummer from his band since they were four years old. Dave once dated his sister, but it ended badly.

Ben wore braces for five years to get his sparkling smile.

19th October

I’ve not rung John.

And I am a bitch, but the longer I leave it, the more I just don’t know what to say.

It’s confirmed, he didn’t understand my concept of ending our relationship. Even nearly a month of radio silence isn’t making him drop it. I just receive banal snore fest texts that I can’t find the will to respond to not matter how hard I try. A lot of his communication is focused on the office we used to share. The thing is, I haven’t thought once about my old job, the people there, or what they might still be doing without me there.

I feel like crap about it.

I basically decided I was going to university and that was it. Sure, maybe it was early days, maybe my heart wasn’t into it from the offset, but if I see things from his point of view, the way my parents literally squished him into the bosom of our family, I can understand.

Why is everything so complicated?

I want to enjoy this thing with Ben, it’s intoxicating and thought consuming, but feeling like I’ve done something wrong is making it not so fun.

Meredith, Jayne, and I are going for a girls’ thing tonight and Ben is going off to do stuff with the band. There have been rumours that they might get some festival gigs over next summer, so they are meeting to discuss ideas and plans.