Page 21 of How We Began
Still, I had nothing to say. How moronic do I have to be?
He turned to walk away, arm brushing mine. Holding a breath, I grabbed his hand.
“Ben. It’s not that.”
“No?”
“It’s just…” I willed myself to be brave. “Well, you’re you and I’m me. And well, I guess I’m not used to people like you being interested in people like me. It feels like a joke, or like you’re just going to change your mind and maybe you’ll lose interest and I’ll be left feeling stupid.” I gulped a lungful of Ben-smelling air. “Or maybe I’ll fall head over heels in love with you, which is totally crazy, but hey, I seem to be on the crazy train, toot toot.” I gave a little pully motion with my hand to demonstrate my point. “And then I’ll be broken hearted, and I’ll leave, run away, that’s kind of what I’m known for doing, and then my dad will be totally right about me being utterly useless.”
He stared, open-mouthed as all the words tumbled free from my mouth. “Useless?” His face scrunched up like a thrown-out memo. Still gorgeous though—God, I’ve got issues.
“Yeah, it’s kind of the thing. Don’t mind, Delilah, she’s so silly. Oh, there she goes, doing a Delilah.” I could hear my parents’ ring in my tone and would willingly have drunk acid to get the words out of my mouth.
“But, Lilah…” Ben stepped closer, towering above me, his smell in my head, his skin tantalisingly close. “I don’t see that, and I don’t know how you can either. Look at you, smart, funny…”
“Don’t you say cute.”
“Girls that kiss like you do, aren’t necessarily cute.” His lips twitched into that little half hitch thing he does.
“No?” A grin curved my lips. A Ben grin. A magic one that’s impossible to fight.
“And well, if you want to fall helplessly in love with me…” His blue, cornflower bright gaze steadied on my face. “Really, I’m not going to stop you.”
“Okay.” I rocked on my toes like a lunatic.
“Okay.” His smile grew.
“Slow, right? Nothing crazy, just see where this ends up?”
“Yep. Let’s see where it ends up.” He reached for my arm, sliding his palm along my skin, tugging me closer. “I’m going to kiss you now. Try not to giggle.”
Ben stayed for an hour, kissing the very air out of me before slinking back to his room and leaving me in a considerable heated mess. I love the fact he’s talking things slow, it just makes him even more perfect.
However, what with the hangover, kissing, and general laziness, I’ve done no homework, no reading… nothing… all weekend. I do, however, have puffy and slightly sore lips, not that I’m complaining.
If I’m going to make this thing work with Ben, I’ve got to find some balance.
I’m going to the library and nothing is going to stop me. Even Ben naked walking down the hallway won’t stop me from making it to the history books.
(9.00 p.m.)
Oh. My. God. I hate the frickin’ library.
The blasted history books are all referenced in the nine hundreds. That means top floor.
There are four floors to the library. I say no more. Actually, I do, there is also a rickety old crazy lift, that I’ll never get in—ever. I’d rather die, which I nearly did climbing up the frickin’ stairs.
I finally managed to huff and puff my fat arse all the way to the top floor, leaning heavily on the banister. It made me realise I seriously need to do some exercise or something, not sit about all day drinking wine and smoking fags.
Once recovered from the near heart attack, I spent half an hour crawling around on the floor searching for the books I needed. Just my luck, they were all on the bottom shelf.
I froze when I heard giggles coming from over by the study desk. I didn’t know anyone else was up here. Then I heard a voice I recognised and tensed up even more.
It was Ben.
Ben, who sounded like he was surrounded by girls.
I tried to get to my feet so I could check out the situation. Unfortunately, I’d been sitting on the floor cross-legged for way too long, and my legs were completely dead. My feet were so dead there was just a blank sensation where they would normally exist. I actually glanced to make sure they were still there and hadn’t fallen off somewhere.
