Page 18 of How We Began

“It’s just.” I swung our hands like we were toddlers at the park. “Just, you know. I don’t do things like that. Haven’t done things like that. And I guess it’s probably kind of normal for you, what with the band and all… and girls, you know, but…”

“Lilah…” His fingers lifted my chin so I had to look at him. He didn’t say anything, but there were words and sentences and promises in his smile. I basked in its light like I was tanning on the beach in Saint Tropez.

“I’ll see you tomorrow then, Lilah.” He dropped his gentle hold of my face and his clasp of my fingers and headed back out my door.

The way he said my name, so low and intense, made my stomach flip and I watched him leave, frozen, unsure what to do.

The right thing, as I’ve been taught to do. Which in this case would be to see John, remind him that we are officially not dating anymore and that maybe it’s time we entered a ‘No Contact Zone’. Or go out on the date with Ben.

It wasn’t a tough decision to call. I nearly pulled my dorm door from its hinges as I chased after Ben.

John is cancelled.

I’M GOING ON A DATE WITH BEN… right what shall I wear?

6th October

A date done Ben-style is unlike any I’ve ever known. It blows any other first date completely out of the water.

It’s a good thing I said yes and cancelled the recriminating blub-fest with John. Ben made it sound spontaneous, but he went to a lot of effort.

“Where we going?” I had begged the entire trip on the Tube.

Rolling his eyes and pulling me along by my hand, he laughed. “Seriously, if you stopped asking so many questions and walked a little faster, you’d know already.”

We’d come out of the Tube at Borough Market, one of my favourite places where Southwark Cathedral looms with its tall spires, over artisan stalls selling six quid sausage rolls, and bread you have to re-mortgage your house for. Well, it was until Dad suggested over a dry roast chicken one Sunday afternoon to John that if him and I decided to make things permanent, he might be able to book it (i.e., the Cathedral) for a wedding. Wink wink wink. I mean, come on, a cathedral? Had the man totally lost his mind? FIVE DATES PEOPLE.

Remembering that conversation, the dry chicken, well it made me shudder a little and Ben flicked a side-eye in my direction.

“An aversion to holding hands?” Ben inclined his head to where our fingers entwined. Honestly, I was too scared to look in case he pulled away, or in case any of it wasn’t real and I’d be snatching at air like when you wake up from a dream.

I shot him a sly smile. “I think we’re aware of my lack of personal boundaries.” At this he threw his head back and laughed so loud two old ladies clutching baguettes turned to stare.

“You’re disturbing the shoppers,” I reprimanded, but I knew my cheeks were probably dayglo pink from the joy of it all.

“Oh well.” He pulled me closer and brushed his lips across my heated cheek. “I can think of other things that might shock them more.”

My face caught light with the ferocious burn of sticks doused in petrol and I prickled with heat all down my neck.

“You’re so cute when you blush.”

Damn you, face…

“When do I blush? I’m not blushing.” My face scorched hotter than the sun in August. I stopped blabbering on when he paused in a doorway, and my legs began to wobble, which was slightly worrying when walking in public.

Glancing up at the building, I took in the swinging green sign of a pub. “Ah, you brought me to an old man pub, you know what I like.” The grin smeared across my face challenged the infinite size of the universe, if it had been smeared in nacho cheese. Smirking like a git, he calmly stalked for the door and pushed through, exuding an air of confidence that I could only ever dream of, holding me close to his side.

Me pressed close to his side = heaven.

Wedged in the door, his hip pressed against me, hand on the small of my back, he leant for my ear. “I plan to know everything you like.”

I had nothing to say because my brain went blank at his slow smile and the crinkle around his eyes.

The first thing I was surprised by when we entered was the sight of Meredith and Tristan, more so by Tristan, but it seems these two are a double act these days, so I chose to ignore it.

The second thing I was surprised by was the sight of the rest of his band mates all standing over in the corner with their instruments behind them. I saw them in passing at Fez Club, but we hadn’t really talked. I swung back around to Ben and found him watching me closely, gauging my reaction.

Wow!