Page 128 of How We Began

“I just missed seeing you every day. I didn’t deal well with your absence, for which I can only apologise.” He reached an arm towards me, but then changed his mind. “It’s just that we were able to hold on to you for far longer than we did your brother. I guess we just thought you would stay forever.”

“Dad, I never really went anywhere. You were just trying to make me live your dreams without letting me have any of my own.”

“Yes, you’re right, and I am sorry, for what it’s worth. It looks like you have met your match with that lively chap, though!”

“Really? What did he say to you earlier?”

Dad looked at me like I was mad. “I can’t repeat what was said.”

“Tell me!”

“Not a chance.” He grinned “You and Ben are always welcome here. I hope you know that.”

I look at him in shock. “Thanks, Dad.” I think. What the hell did Ben say?

(9.00 p.m.)

I’ve eaten too much. My stomach is so full I can’t breathe. After the emotional upheaval of the day, I have decided an early night is in order.

We’ve come up to bed and Ben’s in the shower, humming away to himself. I wonder why he always sings James Blunt in the shower?

My parents are acting like normal, well-adjusted people and, well, it’s freaking me out. Maybe because if they are, then maybe that means I have to as well.

Standing up and moving from the warm fire in the living room earlier, I found there’d been nothing more natural than to hold out my hand to Ben and lead him off to my room. We stood inside the doorway for the longest time, just kissing and holding each other. I still can’t quite believe that he is here, or that he came home for me.

Why do I automatically think the worst?

He didn’t message or call, and I just assumed he’d simply forgotten about me, or that he was too busy doing something better. Is this because of my lack of faith in myself, or a lack of faith in him? I honestly don’t know. It’s not right.

Mer and Tristan are going to join us tomorrow. For the first time ever, the McCannons are going to have a grown-up day.

The summer term starts in a few short days. When we go back next week, there will only be a few weeks left of the academic year. How did that go so fast? Oh, yes, that’s right, I’ve been on a complete mental breakdown that’s involved stalking, obsessing, crying, being drunk, being sober, being drunk again, and generally acting like I have the mental maturity of a sixteen-year-old.

I like to think there’s still hope for the last remaining term of the year, and that I will be able to act like the grown-up, mature woman I’m supposed to be.

PART EIGHT

April

1st April

Or not.

Instead, I could get completely shit-faced with Meredith over family lunch. So shit-faced that Ben had to pick me up and carry me from the table and lay me on the sofa after I passed out with my head on the dining room table in between courses.

Meredith and I decided to celebrate the fact that Ben was home and that we were all together, acting like some a happy, extended-family unit. Well, we were a happy, extended unit until she threw up halfway through the main course, and I passed out before the cheese and biscuits.

I tried to blame Ben for the fact I fell asleep at the table. He kept me up half of last night whispering promises in my ear.

He didn’t accept the blame for my extreme drunkenness, telling me instead that I’m an outrageous lush and needed to not drink wine from 11 a.m. in the morning.

“Shonly on Bank’s Sholidays,” I assured him.

2nd April

Back to reality and my role of guitar-selling supremo. Reality is helped by the fact Ben comes with me and spends two hours tuning every guitar in the shop. He really does have an amazing ear. He then played us some of the band's new stuff, the bits they were working on before Ben legged it back to the UK. It’s beyond awesome and I’ve been left with a little stab of guilt that he’s put me before the band.

By the time he’d finished, he’d created a bit of a gathering with his impromptu acoustic set. There were at least thirty people crammed into the shop. Big Baz, crafty bugger, opened up the doors despite the lashing rain so that people could hear the music from outside and hopefully come in, which they did.