Page 98 of When We Are Old

I shrugged. “Yeah, but I’m happy with the path I’ve made. The business was something for me to do after Paul died, because I felt like I needed my own identity.”

“Because you didn’t have one before?” His fingers brushed at my hair, lifting it off my neck and skimming through the strands.

“I think I wanted to make a bubble I could be safe in, so I felt like I had a life now my previous one was over.”

“And did you?” His thumb brushed my cheek.

“Yes. I mean, I miss the guys in the office. I’m looking forward to going back to work on Monday. That’s a good thing, right? It never was just a hobby to make myself look busy, otherwise I wouldn’t feel that way.”

Matthew nodded carefully. “You have to promise me we are going to make this work.” He caught my left hand, pressing the cords of cotton into my skin.

“I promise.”

“Good, now can we go to bed so I can ravish you until you're screaming? If you're going home tomorrow I sure as hell want you to remember our time together.”

I giggled and hung on as he stood on strong legs and kicked the chair back out of the way. “Very little chance of me forgetting. Very little indeed.”

Truth

Matthew

Ronnie leaving kicked like a football boot straight to the gut, studs and all. I thought she’d say yes, thought that I might be able to convince them both that Scotland had so much to offer, but leaving them at the airport stung.

“When’s Hannah coming back, Dad?” Jack’s face blotched red with tears, snot trails dried on his cheeks.

“Soon. Week after next.” I turned from the front seat of the car and smiled at them both. “How about we paint her room for her?”

“What colour would she like?” Jack's lips turned up at the corners slightly.

“Black,” Ewan grouched, and it made Jack and I both laugh.

“Well, maybe we could do a grey or something.” I shrugged. “Black sounds a bit melodramatic.”

“Hannah is melodramastic.”

“Melodramatic.” I corrected. “She can’t help it, it’s her age. You wait until you’re fourteen and I can’t get you out of bed at the weekend any longer.”

“Never going to happen.” Jack tilted his chin. “That’s valuable Xbox time.”

I laughed and turned around to start the car.

“Dad?”

“Yes, mate?” I glanced at Ewan in the rear-view mirror.

“Are you going to move to London?”

“No! What makes you say that?”

I watched him carefully. “Nothing. I just wondered.”

“Ewan, I will never leave you boys. You will always come first. No matter what you do, no matter what you want to do, who you want to be, you will always be first.”

I started the car and flicked the indicator to head back out into the traffic. My stomach weighed heavy leaving the airport, knowing Ronnie and Hannah were checking in for their flight home. Ronnie had looked odd as she left, biting her tongue, not making eye contact. Odder than normal is probably what I meant. Try as I might, I couldn’t think of anything that could be making her be that way.

Maybe I’d pushed too far asking her to marry me.

In my soul though I didn’t think that was the case.