Page 68 of When We Are Old

My lips quirked and I bit down on my smile. Ronnie equalled sunshine and rainbows and she soothed my soul. It washed over me like a fine mist from heaven.

My fingers itched, and I reached a hand for her, before hesitating and letting it drop.

“I, I.” I fought through the shadows. “I struggle if I don’t think I’m pleasing everyone. Julie said that Ewan was upset, crying. She said she couldn’t get him to school.”

“I know. Your mother told me.”

“You’ve been talking to my mam?”

“I’m resourceful when it's needed.”

Dead silence came from the kitchen. They’d all be crammed against the door, listening.

“I don’t want to be the love of your life in your head, Matthew. I don’t want to be a wish you hold onto, a regret you live with.”

I nodded.

“I want to be the love of your life, right now; breathing and living, sharing everything. And this is hard. Scotland to London is hard. Exes and ghosts are hard, but what are we going to be missing if we don’t commit?”

“You want to commit to me? A brooding grey cloud of misery.”

“Do you feel miserable with me? Were you miserable at the weekend?”

“No. I’m scared it wasn’t real. What if… what if Ewan is upset?”

“Well fucking introduce me to him and we'll find out.”

A round of applause echoed from behind the kitchen door. Bastards.

“You have a lot to say.” I edged closer.

“I’m in therapy.”

“Therapy?” I arched an eyebrow. “In four days.”

“Emergency summit therapy.”

“I’m scared I can’t be enough for you.”

Ronnie closed the space between us. “Who told you that you weren’t enough?” She swallowed hard. “Who told you a lie?”

I dropped my head, hanging it next to her cheek. “Me.”

“You’ve told yourself a lie. Julie, she tells you a lie. She told you that being a greengrocer wasn’t enough, didn’t she? Before I even met you.”

I turned my face, my nose brushing her cheek. Inhaling deep, I absorbed her scent. I didn’t have an answer.

“Are you really here?” I brushed at her hair, the strands tickling my fingertips.

“Yes. And I’m staying. I’ve got the week off work.”

“What about Hannah?” I lifted my hand and cupped her face.

“Surprise!” The kitchen door opened and Hannah fell through.

“Hannah?” I laughed and finally pulled Ronnie into my arms. “This is insane.”

“Ew, going back into the kitchen.” Hannah retreated, but I didn’t pay her any attention. My focus settled on the grey dawn in Ronnie’s eyes. The hope of sunshine she always brought.