Page 39 of When We Are Old

“Julie.”

I threw my most evil glare at a passing tree and then turned to him smiling. “Well maybe he just had a wobble.”

“Maybe. Right, I need to get some wine and flowers for your mum. I can’t turn up empty handed the first time I meet her.”

“Oh, don’t worry. She has you pegged as, ‘The boy who used to smoke down the end of the road.’

Matthew laughed. “I miss those days. So many times I wanted to go and sit back on that brick wall and replay all those moments again.”

I reached for his hand. “You don’t have to. You can come in the door this time. You probably could have back then too if I’d been brave enough.”

“Brave enough for what?”

I shrugged. “To ask you. Tell Ma. Whatever.”

“You never invited me in because you thought I’d say no?”

Another shrug. This time smaller and with my face scrunched like a ball.

“What am I going to do with you?”

“I don’t know.”

“I can think of many things. But none of them I can do under your mother’s roof.”

“Maybe moving out would be best.” I laughed but caught him giving me a funny look.

“Just maybe.” He forced a laugh into his words and settled back.

I patted his knee. “Ready?”

He breathed out low. “Yeah. I’ve always been ready.”

“Guys.” I dropped my keys onto the sideboard. “I’m back.” I glanced at Matthew. “Uh. We're back.”

He laughed and shook his head.

“Okay, wait here.” I reached up onto my tiptoes and planted a kiss on his mouth. “I just need to read the riot act again.”

“Ronnie. Please. Relax.”

“Relax.” I squeaked. “Are you mad?”

My head thudded with the pressure. Everything past and present came down to this very moment.

Silly, but it felt like if this didn’t go well then there was every chance the future could rewrite itself again.

Maybe Matthew would change his mind. Maybe he would realise I was too like my mother and would finally know I couldn’t be saved from my own stupidity.

Maybe he would meet Hannah and only see Paul and decide he didn’t want to take on another man’s child.

Maybe the thought of blending families would be too much.

Maybe the sun would crash into the earth and we’d all die anyway.

Maybe…

His fingers trailed the edge of my face, his thumb brushing across my lower lip. Dipping his head, he planted a firm kiss on my mouth, and then another, and another until I was nothing more than a brush of air and a deep exhalation.