Page 105 of When We Are Old

I sat until the loft was practically dark, the solo light barely illuminating the dusty corners.

So much of my life I’d allowed to pass me by.

I rubbed at the cotton wrapped about my wedding finger.

How much more was I going to let go before I finally found the strength to do things that made me happy?

Springing up, I slid down the hatch and ladder onto the upstairs landing. Hannah lay on her bed, legs swinging to a tune, headphones plugged in.

I grabbed my phone and wiped the screen for Matthew’s number, waiting for him to answer.

Meddling

Matthew

“How do you feel?” I asked and crooked the phone under my chin as I stirred the risotto on the AGA.

“I don’t know.” Ronnie seemed distant, her voice small like she called from outer space and not London.

“You already guessed though?”

What did it mean if she was upset discovering the truth about her husband’s betrayal?

“I did. I guess I betrayed him first with my memories of you.”

I tried very hard not to scoff but failed miserably. “Ronnie. You didn’t cheat on him with me. You need to stop beating yourself up about the past. We hadn’t even spoken for fifteen years. That’s not cheating.”

She didn’t answer, silence stretching. “Anyway,” I said, preferring to change the subject than listen to her silence. “Did you and Hannah go and look at rentals?”

“No.” Her voice tightened.

“Is Hannah okay?”

“Yeah. I was late from work. We had lots of meetings. I offered Fred a senior management role.”

I stared blankly at the tiles above the cooker. “Oh.”

“Why do you say it like that?”

“I just thought you might have mentioned it, what with me being your boyfriend.”

She laughed and the tensions eased just a sliver. “Don’t be jealous, Matthew. I didn’t mention it because it was kind of spontaneous, and,” she hesitated, “well, I really need to talk to you about something, but I want to do it face to face.”

Well that’s one way to get fucking alarm bells ringing.

“How are the boys?” She changed the subject quicker than I could slow my heart rate.

“Fine. They don’t have a clue what’s going on?”

“And what’s going on?”

“I'm currently trying to gather evidence that proves Julie is an unreliable parent.”

“Ouch. That shouldn’t be too hard though, should it?”

“So you’d think.” I scrubbed a hand through my hair. “I never wanted to get to this point. Five years ago when I asked for a divorce, I thought it would be easy, but Julie and McStandish have fought me at every turn.”

“I know, Matthew.” The way she whispered my name, soothed over my worries. “But it will be worth it.”