Page 52 of If We Were Young

“Aye, it does.”

“Why did you come all this way?” Please tell me it’s because you were desperate to see me.

“I wanted to say sorry face-to-face. I figured a coffee would help.”

My heart pinged. “Thank you. The flowers suffice though.”

The barista waited for us to place an order, but Matthew’s attention focused on my face while the woman behind us in the queue tutted.

“I find it hard to admit when I’m wrong, Ronnie.” It sounded like he wanted to say something else. I opened my mouth to ask what, but he leant close and brushed a kiss across my cheek. I held in a gasped breath. “I have to go.”

“O-okay.”

He turned and left without a backwards glance, leaving me wondering if I’d dreamt it all again. This time there were no eyeliner messages to tell me otherwise.

I glanced at the reception area. Natalie had managed to tell everyone about the roses which now stood on her desk. I’d moved them from my office because I couldn’t concentrate on anything with the splash of sunshine yellow staring me in the face.

What happened this morning? What was the near-miss coffee about?

When my phone vibrated, I glanced down at it in near despair. My chest ached, the band tightened back around my ribs. Matthew was on the train to Scotland.

Matthew Carling: Dinner?

I couldn’t take more of this. Back and forth, back and forth. I’d never been that good on the swings at the park, my legs were too short.

Ronnie Childs: To discuss the rebrand?

There was a pause and I didn’t breathe while I waited for the dots to reappear.

Matthew Carling: Yes.

Ronnie Childs: I shall check to see if my dance card is free.

I didn’t know why I typed it. Once it was sent, I held my finger down to try to remove it before he saw it, but it was too late. His little round picture flicked up next to my stupid words.

Matthew Carling: I shall await your response with bated breath. But don’t make me wait too long. I have a twenty-five second memory—it’s a flaw.

He remembered.

It made my insides tangle and knot.

I hated the fact I could imagine his smile. I detested the fact it was the smile of the person I used to know that I was thinking about.

Ronnie Childs: Tomorrow? I can see if Fred is free and we will come up with some new ideas for you by then.

There was another pause in which the clip and clop of my heartbeat was the only sound.

Matthew Carling: Fine.

Ronnie Childs: Are you going to run away again?

Messenger showed him as no longer active. That was weird. And dinner… I shouldn’t. It had stupidity written all over it. He’d be there all suited and booted, with that pissed off look on his face and I’d be… Well, I’d be staring at him, in totally inappropriate ways like I always had.

I looked at the yellow roses through the glass wall of the office like I expected them to disappear.

Why did he send them anyway? What exactly was he saying sorry for?

I had a feeling the only way of finding out would be to see him and try to talk.