Page 110 of If We Were Young

My view of the man in the room next door twisted and morphed. So proud now, so distant to the person I used to know. Life had done that to him.

What would have happened if I’d said yes all those years ago on that doorstep? How would he have saved his father’s company then?

“He told me.” I cleared my throat and tried to sound professional. “That his father used to love the fact he saved people. His shop was always there when people needed it.”

Ruth shook her head. “Matthew’s holding onto some old-fashioned belief. It’s like he can’t let go of the past and see how things have changed. Carling Supersavers was failing before because it was something the people no longer wanted. They didn’t need a greengrocer on the corner. They had supermarkets for everything they needed. If McStandish couldn’t save it by turning it into a budget high street chain, then there’s not much else to do. Isn’t that right, Lynn?”

I met Lynn’s gaze.

“You can’t rewind the clock. There isn’t a reset button.”

Oh my god. The tingle of an idea zapped my brain connectors into activity. “Sorry, do you have some paper and a pen?” I froze, not daring to move in case the thought slipped away.

“Here.” Lynn swizzled on her chair and pulled open a kitchen drawer. I took the biro and paper and pulled it in front of me.

“Sorry to be weird, but I’ve got an idea.”

Randomly, I started to jot down words. Just random words in no particular order. Greengrocer. Super saver. High street. Family. Planet. The words kept coming. I barely noticed the door opening and cold air brushing against my neck.

A hand landed gently on my shoulder. “What are you doing?”

I looked up. “I think I’ve got it.”

“What?”

“The brand. I think I get it now.”

His face shadowed with a pensive thought but then he smoothed it away. “Mum, it’s nearly time for the other guests. I came to see if you needed any help. Liam and Ryan are ruining the football anyway.”

“Go and sit with Ewan and Jack.”

“They can help me.”

I kept my head down and carried on writing.

Reset. History. New starts. Saving. Giving. Honourable.

I shoved all the papers in my coat pocket and then joined in where everyone else had gathered. A merry crowd indeed, very merry. Loud and brash, the air almost turned a visible blue. Lynn had smacked every one of her sons in the last forty-five minutes.

The gleaming dining room table was laden with plates of food, everything you could think of for a real shindig. I’d never seen anything like it. Plates upon plates of cheeses, pickles, pastries. My mother would have a heart attack if she saw all the different combinations in one sitting.

Someone tapped their glass and silence fell over the room. I couldn’t remember everyone’s names. There were more aunties than letters in the alphabet; three of them were called Ethel, I think.

What would Hannah think if she could see this, hear this noise?

Our quiet life couldn’t be more at odds.

“Speech,” someone called.

“Oi oi, Matthew!” Liam leered, very drunk. For the last fifteen minutes Ruth had transformed into a joist and used her shoulder and hip to hold him up. She shoved a giant bit of baguette into his mouth, which I guessed was to stop him talking. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m looking forward to someone else making the speech one of these days.” Matthew’s smile shone with ease. He hadn’t drunk as much as his brothers, nor as much as Aunty Annie; she really was blind drunk.

“Well, mate,” Ryan harrumphed. “Then you’d be dead, and we’d be toasting your arse too.”

“Thank you, always reassuring, Ryan.” Matthew’s smile was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I wanted to scribble it down onto a napkin, so I’d never forget. Wanted to touch my mouth so I could taste it forever. “Thanks, Mam, for another lovely evening. This one meal of the year always reminds me who I am. Who Dad was.”

“Oi oi.” Liam had got through his baguette. “Better without the evil witch, though, eh?”