Page 11 of Tabloid Princess

“And you are still upright? How is that possible?” Her face said it all. The fact chocolate digestives and I have a mutually inclusive love affair isn’t totally my fault.

I scrunched my face. “Don’t be rude.”

Nana eyed me carefully. “You're like hyped up, you’re never like this.”

I shook my head, my mouth too full to swallow anytime soon.

“And that’s not the awful outfit you went out in this morning.”

I looked down at the dark skinny jeans and cream blouse Molly had managed to find in Primark what seemed like a million hours ago. She’d made me leave four buttons undone which we’d argued about excessively in the changing rooms. Apparently, it was the bra which made all the difference. Easy for her to say. It’s hard to tell what my figure would have been like if I hadn’t had Daisy when I did, but it was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. And as dating wasn’t something I ever even contemplated, I was more than happy with my slightly rounded hips and buxom top half. So long as I could say I was healthy that was my important concern. That was who I wanted my daughter to see.

Finally, I managed to force my food down. “It’s a long story.”

“Do I need to wait around to hear it, or can I go home?”

Again, that strange reluctance to talk to Nana about my day held me back. “Go home, you’ve done enough for me today.” I reached out my arms and pulled her in for a hug, a strange wave of emotions tickling the edges of my eyelashes.

Nana pulled back, her shrewd gaze reading my face. “What’s up?”

I shrugged, my shoulders almost brushing my ears. “Nothing. I’m just wondering what it would have been like to have you take me out for ice cream when I was a kid.”

For a long moment we watched one another until finally she cracked a smile to alleviate the tension. Only seventy-five, she had a whole lot of glamour. Her hair streaked with grey was smooth and controlled, her figure trim; not the kind of vision of a granny I’d grown up dreaming of. “I’ve made up for it since though, haven’t I?”

Behind the smile was a deep yearning chasm of grief. An emotion neither of us ever spoke about.

“You sure did. And Daisy thinks you are the hottest nana out there.”

“I am the hottest nana out there.”

Snorting, I directed her towards the kitchen door, picking up her handbag on the way and passing it over to her.

“I’m coming to check teeth.” I hollered up the hallway stairs. There was the hasty thump of feet back in the direction of the bathroom.

Nana stopped by the front door, turning to face me. Her hands came to my face which she held in the palm of her hands, as she met my gaze and forced me to listen. “You’re a good mother, Leia. The best. But you need to be someone for yourself too. She’s six now; you need your own life. I can babysit if you want to go out in the evenings.”

“I do go out in the evenings…” My words sounded muffled, squished as my face was in her hold. “Sometimes.”

“I don’t mean with Molly and her brother. I mean out out. Like twenty-two year olds are supposed to.”

“Mummy! I’m ready!”

We both turned to the stairs.

“Coming, sweetie,” I called before turning back to my nana. “I’m doing exactly what I need to do right now, and that’s all that matters to me.”

She nodded and released her hold of my face. “I know.” She sighed. “But it worries me I have sex more than you do.”

Gah. I needed to unhear that pretty sharpish.

“Bye, Nana.”

“Bye, darling.” She gave me a cheery wave as she stepped out onto the small garden path and I shut the door shaking my head as I went. That woman, she was a liability to society, but ultimately one of the best things I had in my life.

I only had one foot on the bottom stair when the sound of my phone vibrating against my keys in my bag made me stop again. Groaning and calling out to Daisy that I’d be there in a moment, I turned back around for it.

Janine.

Crap. My stomach plummeted to my toes. She was going to sack me. All these years of her trying to keep me ‘Viable’ and it was all going to end today because I couldn’t stop from running my mouth.