Page 11 of Scars of Silk

“Or call? You know you have a phone? You can actually ring.”

“And miss seeing you? Never.” I send her a wink and she groans. The upright hold she’s containing on her body starts to slump. She’s forgiving me. Believing me.

“Why don’t you open the shop? You could advertise for someone to take the spare chair.”

“No.” It’s my turn to scowl.

“But it’s silly. It’s just sat there doing nothing, all paid off. You could be turning a tidy profit. Faith won’t be needing it again and you know she won’t mind if you rent out the area.”

“Abi, come on, I’ve come all the way over here. Don’t start nagging like a harpy.”

“A harpy! You cheeky git!”

I chuckle and settle back on the cushions of her sofa.

She watches me carefully while I study her. So many things are changing. Abi was the first to lead the way, getting all grown up and having kids, leaving Faith and me behind. Now Faith is there too, a ring on her finger, her belly holding a child.

“Dan?” Abi softens her voice and reaches out to hold my hand. “Talk.”

Her grip is firm, and I can’t pull my fingers from her grasp. “I’m not a chick. I don’t need to talk.”

“You’re a twat, that’s what you are. Talk to me.”

Words almost swell within me. I try to clamp them down, pushing the lid on their escape, but I’m not quick enough. “You guys have gone and got all grown up.”

Thankfully, she lets go of my hand, and I rub at my face, pulling the skin with my fingertips. “Yeah. It’s going to happen.”

“Yeah.” I nod but I can’t focus on anything. My eyes are blurry. Fuck.

“And? What are you going to do about it?”

I shrug. “What is there to do? This is my existence, isn’t it?”

“Have you spoken to Faith? Have you apologised for what you said?”

“No,” I snap. “No. She doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.”

“She’s struggling too, Dan. I can’t believe you guys kept this secret from me for so long. There have been too many secrets over the years between us all.” She peers up at me, gaze burning. “So yeah, if we have to all grow up to face them and leave them behind then that’s what we should do. You should have told me about her being pregnant, and you should have told me you slept together when she was back here in August. Seriously, Dan, what is wrong with you? You slept with her when she’s your best friend and was broken-hearted.”

I know she’s shitting me out for what happened in August. In my mind, my memories are long past what happened during the summer just gone. They’ve slipped to years ago, when Faith was at the mercy of that bastard abuser and I didn’t know how to save her. I could see her, hear her, but I didn’t know how to reach her.

“It was horrible,” I say, so quiet Abi has to lean forward to hear. “I’ll never be able to forget that image of her in the bath, bloody and grey. I thought she was dead. I thought that I was too late; like I’ve always thought with her. I’ve always been just one moment too late.”

“You saved her life.” I can sense Abi’s eyes settled on me, but I can’t meet her gaze. My chest aches like a heavy punch has landed between my ribcage.

“She’s saved mine more.”

Ali shakes her head. “She’s still your friend. Nothing will ever change that unless you let it. She’s still Faith, and you are still Dan.”

“What if he won’t let her be friends with me because of what happened?” I sound like a fucking girl. Someone get me a bra.

“You think Faith will stand for that? Jeez, you are dumb sometimes.”

“I can’t talk to her yet. She’s like a poison in my veins. I need to get free of her.”

“You should have told her years ago how you felt. I always knew you had a thing for her. The way you looked at her even when she was ribbing you and taking the piss; but I never really thought you were actually in love with her. I guess I just thought you were a typical guy and desperate to see a pair of boobs.”

I shrug but it’s weak and helpless and I hate it. “Blame Dad. It was him who made it into a thing. Always going on about us; how perfect we were, how solid.”