Page 122 of Tears of Gold

She inclines her head just slightly. I want to shake her, but maybe like me it’s going take time to get deep underneath her layers. I can respect that.

“I want to set up a charity for young women to have support, so they never have to suffer in silence like I did.”

She’s still for a long moment and I’m about to turn on my heel and leave—my journey and my time wasted. “How will yours be any different to the others out there?”

I smile. “Well the others don’t have me, and they don’t have someone who looks like me. I think I can talk to the younger generation and get them to come forward.”

“How will you do that?”

“By showing them how I do it.” I pause and read her eyes. “You sent Vogue to me?”

Her face doesn’t give anything away, but she silently puts her finger to her lips and points to the door. “I can assure you I didn’t. But I hope if they’ve approached, you will give them the honesty and candour I believe will be of benefit to their readers.”

“You know I grew up without affection. I’ve been getting help and I’m working out that a lot of my issues and what happened to me might have come from some deep misguided understanding of the concept.”

“Yes?” She waits expectantly for me to continue. Instead I get up and pull her tight into my arms, hugging the woman I always believed was against me. Hugging someone—when I never bloody hug anything or anyone. I whisper in her ear, surprised to feel her skin damp against my cheek. “Let’s make sure the next generation of the Faircloughs know exactly what a hug is.”

She pushes back. “Hug?”

“Yes, it’s this thing we are doing with our arms.”

She laughs, and it’s the first time I’ve ever heard it. It’s a mishmash of all her children, but really all I can hear is Elijah and my stomach clenches so hard I want to vomit. “Hug. Help under guidance.”

“Hug. I could live with it. Ironic really.”

“Darling, I absolutely love to live my life full of irony.”

“Me, too.”

“Now, shall we look at wedding dresses?”

“Jennifer, I can’t push him. I’ve hurt him.”

“And he’s hurt you. And soon everything will be fine and wonderful and you shall get married.”

“I think getting to the talking stage would be a good first step.”

“So, talk.”

Twenty-Eight

I’m thinking about Jennifer’s simple request as I walk along to the apartment. It feels weird walking back here; my feet and heart want to take me to Chesham Place. If you’d asked me that weeks ago, I never would have believed it.

“So, talk.” She made it sound easy. I’m not ready yet and I don’t think Eli is ready to hear, either.

It’s been days without him. It could be years. It hurts but I know I have to fight it fair and I will.

“Faithy?” A shiver rolls over my skin. I keep walking, speeding up my pace. My front door is there.

“Faithy, don’t run from me. We need to talk.”

I turn, swallowing down the bile that rises in my throat. “I have nothing to say to you. Anything I have to say will be through the police.”

Aiden looms closer in the dark. How the hell did he know where my flat was? It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out my dad must have blabbed at some point.

“Ah but, Faith. They don’t have any evidence against me. All your lies have been for nothing.”

“They aren't lies,” I spit. “It's the truth that I should have said years ago.”