Page 10 of Tears of Gold

We stand in silence, two figures embracing, carved in grief and stone.

“The way I feel now… I should have fought harder to see you after Al died. I shouldn’t have let Dan turn me away. Knowing you hurt like this and I wasn’t there. It makes me fucking livid.”

“Eli.” I turn him so we are chest to chest, toe to toe. “I probably wouldn’t have let you in anyway. I shut down in my grief. I couldn’t do anything. I was so angry.”

“I made your losing Al so much worse, didn’t I?”

“Death and grief are bad anyway.”

“It hurts so bad. I thought Dad leaving was going to be the worst thing I’d live through; the pain was unbearable.” His nose brushes mine and I want to kiss him so bad, but I also want him to talk. “But losing Pete is so much worse. I keep waiting for him to walk in and tell me to stop being a dick. To sneer at me about my loser pro-bono cases, but underneath all of the shit he used to give me I knew he was proud.”

“I’m sorry.” A tear trickles down my cheek and he catches it with his thumb. “I don’t know what to say to try to make this better.”

Slowly he shakes his head. “You don’t have to try to make things better. This just isn’t how I expected our engagement to start, and then with Mother mentioning having an engagement ball. I mean, Faith? How can she be thinking like that?”

“Maybe it’s just her coping mechanism?”

“Or maybe it’s just a sign of how deeply fucked-up this family is. Peter is dead, and the words 'let's have a ball', came out of her mouth.”

“Eli.” I catch his face tenderly in the palm of my hands. “We don’t have to do anything we don’t want to. If we can remember that, then we will always be safe. This is you and me. It's us, our choices and nothing else matters.”

For a long searching moment his gaze meets mine. “Yes.” A slow smile curves his lips and I notice the cuts seem to be holding together more. That’s good progress, I think. “Is it wrong, my brother is lying in a morgue and I want to make love to you right now?”

I grin, stupid and wide. “I’d say that sounds pretty normal to me. But you are far too inj—”

His mouth lands on mine, cutting off my excuses. It takes only a moment for me to get used to the different feel of his swollen lips, then my body slides closer until our arms can wrap tightly around one another. His hands slowly rise to tangle with my hair, anchoring my face to his. Ripples of anticipation scoot across my skin, and I let out of a low moan with their arrival. Every fibre of my body is on high alert. We haven’t been together since the morning of his birthday, but it feels like decades. Warmth spreads along my insides, making my limbs heavy. His arms tighten and I press closer against his chest, his breath pushing us closer together still. Our tongues dance, gentle and light at first, pecking kisses and explorative flicks until I break the kiss and pull back. Watching him, my eyes never leaving his face, I pull my t-shirt up and over my head, dropping it to the floor. His eyes drink in my ink. He’s seen them hundreds of times, but his expression is always like the first time, a mixture of awe and hot desire. Unbuttoning my jeans, I edge them down my hips, stepping out of them until I’m in front of him in just my black lace underwear. His hand slides around my hip, slipping into the grooves of my shape and pulling me closer again. His desire presses against me and I rub my bare skin along him loving the feel of the rough denim brushing my flesh. He groans, breathing into my neck. “I want you so much.”

A burning fire lights in the pit of my stomach. Hot and tingling, it travels between my legs where it pools, desperate to be extinguished. With rushing fingers, I pull at the buttons on his jeans and he yanks his t-shirt and jumper over his head. Across his ribs, blue and purple splashes decorate his skin until it’s as patterned as mine.

“I don’t want to hurt you.” I almost groan into his mouth; my need for him overrules all logical thought.

“You won’t.” With firm fingers he drags at the elastic of my knickers, pushing them down and out of the way. Then his arms are around me, holding me tight in an all-embracing hold as he edges us back towards the wall. I gasp as my back hits the cool surface, while his mouth drops to my throat with burning hot kisses, so I’m trapped between heat and cold; suspended between pain and pleasure.

“Please, Elijah.” His eyes meet mine and sliding a hand around my hip and down my thigh, he hikes my leg around his hip, tipping me slightly so I lean back. My eyes close as he slides his length along my sensitive folds, pressing against my clit. I’m strung up with hypersensitivity. Every moment is like it’s all brand new. As if it’s been years, not a handful of days, since he last touched me. “Please.” I clutch my hands around his waist, trying to pull him closer, but he holds the power. With me helpless against the wall he teases me, running in and out until the tingle of an orgasm builds in my toes before he’s even entered me.

“I love it when you beg.”

“I’m begging.” I splay my hands against his chest, throwing my head back; my eyes searching the ceiling for any distraction that will make the rising peak dissipate. “Fuck, Elijah. I’m begging.”

“Come.” His eyes flash. He’s not going to give me what I want until I give him what he wants. I can’t fight it. Blasting tremors flood me and a small sob escapes my lips. His hands grasp me tighter, pinning me back as he finally slips inside, filling me up as I ride my orgasm. The shudders stretch out until I don’t think they will end. When they begin to abate, he rocks himself deep within me, pushing so hard he’s all but overtaking my body. Harder and deeper, another wave climbs up my legs, threatening to pull me down to a seabed of desire from which I might never recover. Opening my eyes, I find his own closed, a piercing line of pain marking his forehead.

“Eli, stop. It’s hurting you.”

He doesn’t, though; he just comes closer, taking the pain of our bodies pressing tight together. His determination sends me over the edge, and I spiral with another shudder and I scream. His hands tighten one last time and he thrusts deep inside, joining us in such a way it feels like we will never be able to separate.

When he meets my expectant gaze, he has the grace to look sheepish. “Eli, you shouldn’t have done that.”

“But I just love fucking you against a wall.”

I flush at his words, which is totally un-badass. “Are you sore?”

“No.” He raises a cocky eyebrow. “You?”

I chuckle and loop my hands around his neck. “I love you so damn much.”

His mouth lands on mine, hard and hot. “I love you. Sorry we had sex against a wall.”

Pushing him back, I wink. “Always a pleasure to be fucked against a wall by you.”