Page 105 of Tears of Gold
“I know who I am!” I screech. “Who the hell are you. Fucking Superman? Stop trying to save me all the time and work out what the fuck you want for yourself.”
His eyes flash, but I watch as his hands curl at his sides and then he releases them with a breath. “Faith, I don’t want to fight anymore.”
“Me neither.” I climb the stairs slowly, waiting for him to follow me and snuggle next to me on the bed, spooning me in the way only he can, but he doesn’t. I fall down on the mattress, pulling the ultrasound image out of my bag, staring at it, as I let dark sleep pull me down.
The ring of my phone wakes me and I scrub at my face trying to get my bearings. It’s only when I see the gaudy gold paint, I realise I’m in our bedroom by myself. Pulling my bag closer, I slide out my phone. Abi.
“Hey.” My voice is thick with sleep and I cough a little.
“Jeez, are you crying again?”
“No, sleeping.” I blink at the ceiling. “Please tell me this sleepy stage gets better and not worse.”
“It gets better, remember, you are nearly through it now.”
“So says you.”
She laughs but it sounds forced. “I’m the one in the know.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Faith?” I sit up a little straighter at the way she says my name and nearly jump out of my skin when I find Dan sitting on the armchair in the corner of the bedroom. In his hand is my scan picture. I glare at him. How dare he? “Faith, have you seen the papers?”
“What?” I can’t focus on Abi. I can only see Dan’s broken expression. “What are you talking about?”
“The Sun has a piece about you.”
“I’m sorry, what? To do with the show?”
“No.” She pauses. “It’s about the woman marrying into the Fairclough family—distant cousins of the Queen—involved in an abuse scandal.”
My heart accelerates, thrumming and banging painfully in my chest. Footsteps run up the stairs echoing in the hallway outside the bedroom.
“Abi, I’ve got to go.” I hang up straightaway, my gaze finding Dan’s. “You need to give me that back right now.”
His expression is as black as night. “I feel like this might be the final sign you will never be mine.”
I leap off the bed. I know Eli is outside the door. He wants to know I’m okay. The whole world now knows about my abuse.
“Dan, I was never yours anyway. Please can I have my picture back?”
“But you love me though.”
Shit, I want to die.
“I love you, but not like that; not the way a man and woman are supposed to.” My legs are shaking. I can’t take much more. “Dan, please. Why are you making this so hard?”
“Because I’ve spent my whole life checking on you. Fighting for you.”
“I know.” My tears sting. I am so over crying. “And I will never be able to thank you, but you have to let me go now. Please.”
“I’ll never forgive myself for letting him get to you.”
Who is he talking about? Eli? It’s only a split moment before I know he’s talking about Aiden. When will we all stop talking about that bastard? When will this be over?
“It’s not your fault, Dan. It never was.”
His gaze falls to the image on the black and white printout. His fingers are shaking, the veins in his arms bulging out from under his skin. For a sickening moment, I think he’s going to crush the image of my baby. My stomach lurches. Then a tear rolls down his cheek, falling and splattering onto the picture. He looks up. My heart stops beating. He’s going to go there. He’s going to verbalise the one unspoken secret he’s always known.
