Page 73 of Tears of Glass

I rub at my face and look at the random pieces of art I’ve been creating the last few days while Eli’s been at work. There is nothing there that makes them cohesive to one another. It’s just more individual items with no purpose.

I’ll never be known as Faith Hitchin the artist who could create ‘—’ fill in the blank.

What if I’m not known for being an artist, but instead become known as the woman who Elijah Fairclough elevated to a position she didn’t deserve?

With a hollow knocking in my chest I snap pictures of the pieces in the studio and then upload them onto my laptop ready to take to Whitlocks.

My phone pings, and I glance down at the screen. Abi. Please don’t listen to me, I’m just jealous of all the sex you’re having. Adam’s forgotten I have a G-spot.

I smile and type back a quick response. Don’t worry. I’m cool.

With a sigh, I pack up my laptop and put it into my bag.

I grab a coffee on campus, asking for a double espresso with a shot of hazelnut, and with still an hour until I’m due in any lectures, I sit down at a small round table and pull out my sketch pad and pencils. I might have been playing with clay earlier—although I stand by the fact it wasn’t supposed to look like a penis, but the truth is I’m a bit short on ideas.

Before I met Elijah, I was also blocked. It was only making that cameo from the marble that’s enabled me to even come back for this third year. I was blocked. And I still am. Folding back the spiral pad, I smooth my hand over the surface and tap a pen against the table top.

I take a sip of my coffee, but it doesn’t help. “Hey, Faith.”

“Hey.” I don’t take my eyes from the paper but kick the chair opposite mine out for Gerard to sit on. “Don’t you have a coffee machine in your office?”

“I like to keep it real with the students.” He sits down and pulls my blank piece of paper towards him. “You’ve got something really great here, Faith, I’m impressed.”

“Shut up.” I scowl and take another sip of coffee.

“What’s up?” He blinks at me through his glasses and I appraise him from behind my cardboard cup. I no longer know what my obsession with him was. It’s what I do though, get uncontrollable urges that can’t be appeased until I give into what I want—all objectivity lost.

Is that what I’m doing with Elijah?

I’d be crazy not to consider the possibility... I’ve never had a boyfriend in my life... and now what?

“Earth to Faith?”

“Sorry.” I lift my gaze from the blank sheet of paper and give him a smile. “I’m blocked like a public toilet.”

He grimaces, scrunching his freckles. “You’re disgusting.”

I flash him the brightest smile I can sarcastically muster but it soon drops.

“How can you be blocked? On Friday you had an exhibition launch in your honour. A few weeks ago, you taught a bunch of kids who had never done anything outside local authority education. So how on earth can you say you’re blank?”

I sigh and scrape a pencil across the page, leaving a dark groove in the paper. “It was different over the summer. The ideas just seemed to flow.”

“Because you were inspired?”

I shrug. “Maybe. Or maybe it was because I wanted to prove Jennifer and Connie Fairclough wrong. That I was suitable, and I could do better than the low estimation they had.”

Gerard grins. “So basically, you need to find someone you’ve got to prove yourself to.”

“I don’t think it’s quite that clear cut.” I finish my coffee and scrunch the cup into a misshapen ball.

His smile turns sly. “It’s given me an idea.”

“No, no, no, no.” My head shakes from one side to the other. “Your ideas are terrible. Look at what happened over the summer.”

“Exactly, it was a major success.” He drains his cappuccino and wipes the froth off his beard with the back of his hand. “So you and Fairclough are still off then?”

I hesitate. Gerard is friends with Peter and I don’t know how deep that friendship goes. I nod my head. “Yep.” Pushing my chair back, I stand up and stare down at him. “You know me, Ger, I don’t do second chances.” And just like that the lie slips from my mouth. I push my still empty sketch pad back into my bag along with my pencils. “See you in lectures.”