Page 6 of Tears of Glass

Faith! Give it up.

“You know Al wanted us to get married?” The words seem to come from nowhere. I used to laugh in Al’s face when he spouted his nonsense. Dan is like a brother to me. But then I guess I’ve had my issues with brother figures. I stare off the past, calling me with its poisonous memories, almost forgetting I’m leant on Dan’s lap until he speaks again.

“Crazy old man.” Dan’s voice rumbles beneath me. “You’d drive me crackers.”

My focus stops whirling and I focus on Dan’s mouth. So different to the lips I was kissing just days ago. So different to the lips that lied and made promises only to break them. Dan’s never lied. Never broken my heart. He’s my oldest friend. The one person I can trust.

My fingers lift to the back of his neck, where I’m expecting to slide them into short strands of hair that tickle, but Dan’s longer sandy hair runs through my grasp like silk. My body, my soul so broken, flickers with a glimmer of desperation. A warm but slow dull ache unfurls in the pit of my stomach. If I could just control things again, could just get my power back then this wouldn’t hurt so much. I could move on. Be the woman I’ve always been.

Don’t do it Faith.

But I want to. I want to wash away the memories. The pain. The hurt.

I pull gently on his neck and his eyes watch me warily. “Don’t, Faith. We are both hurting. I don’t want this to be a mistake.” His voice is low, cracked and scorched, deepened by vodka and smoke.

“It’s not a mistake.”

Elijah.

His name taunts me. And a burst of a sob threatens to work its way free.

In the depths of Dan’s eyes a hardening resolve flickers and his hands slide down my face. I block the thought of thumbs holding my jaw tilting my face into a kiss.

I part my lips and wait as Dan lowers his face to mine. I wait for the tingle of anticipation in my toes but it doesn’t come.

His lips are tender and soft. They kiss me one, twice, then he pulls back, his light brown eyes carefully watching my face. We wait. Watch.

And then he kisses me again. Two old friends lost in a wild moment. His tongue tastes of vodka and a sweet tang of coke. His hands slip to my shoulders and he eases me up until I straddle his lap. Neither of us pull away.

We are no longer Dan and Faith.

We are just a kiss. A touch.

My fingers drop to the buttons on his shirt, slipping them through the small openings. My hands slide across his chest: hard, sculpted, and decorated with intricate patterns. When I reach the buckle of his belt I hesitate. His tongue is still dancing in my mouth. My eyes flicker open and find his closed.

I have one rule. Only sleep with someone once.

I had one rule until I allowed someone to smash it to pieces.

What happens to that one rule now?

“Faith?” Dan breaks his lips from my mouth, his gaze searching. He offers me a slow smile. “It’s okay, we’re drunk.” He goes to push me away. His erection is stiffening against my thigh underneath my skirt, pulsing and firm.

I lean into his neck, his warm skin smothering me in comfort. “I don’t know what I am anymore.”

He pushes me back, his eyes fierce. “You are, Faith. It’s all you are. You’re everything. To me, to Dad, to everyone who knows you.”

I wish I could believe him. I’m not everything to Elijah. He’s marrying someone else. And I want to die every time I think about it.

A tear slides down my face and I dash it away with the back of my hand. “Why does it hurt so much?” My chest constricts until I no longer want to breathe.

I’ve been hurt before. Abused. Broken.

This. This hurts.

Dan and I are so close our noses are touching, his breath on my face. Didn’t Al say we were right together? Shouldn’t I stay here where he can keep me safe and protect me? He’s always protected me since I was a child. He was the one I turned to when...

“Make me forget.” I kiss him. Then again. Breathing him in, clinging on for dear life. “Make me forget everything.”