Page 49 of Tears of Glass

I bash my hand into his stomach. “No. That’s not so.” I chuckle loudly and before I even know what he’s doing or can pull away, he’s grasped my hand and entwined our fingers together.

This is all so wrong. We aren’t together. We can’t be walking along pretending that what’s happened hasn’t happened. If we’d left Bowsley the night he’d told me he loved me, I would have held his hand forever. But we didn’t, and now we won’t.

“Elijah.” I turn slightly to make eye contact, but the look I find on his face steals my words. He’s a man broken and in pieces. Burning and drowning all at once. Shadows and light, pain and joy. Night and day. Two men at war with one another.

I don’t say a word and we walk in silence holding hands.

Outside the apartment my feet slow. “Tell me something,” I eventually say, breaking the fragile web of quiet spun moments that have weaved between us in a fragile glass of silence.

“Yes?” Under the street light his face is illuminated as though from heaven above. Golden and shadowed, his jaw flexes as he clenches his teeth. I want to run my hand along his cheek, but I won’t.

“What would your mother say if she knew you were here?”

He shrugs. “I’m past caring.”

“But I’d never be accepted, would I? I’d always be on the outside; the secret.”

His eyes burn with chagrin, illuminated from above until their colour has deepened to the depths of midnight.

“Good night, Elijah.” I go to turn but he holds me back, his fingers still tangled with mine.

His free hand cups my cheek, his thumb caressing the curve of my cheekbone. “You are the only thing I want, Faith. Since we met you’ve been under my skin, seeping into my soul. I did wrong by you, but only because I was protecting you from all the worst the Faircloughs have to offer.”

“You’re a Fairclough.”

He shakes his head, his face moving nearer until his nose is on the point of brushing mine. “Only in name. Not in any way that matters.”

“Eli—”

“I’m going to kiss you.”

My heart flutters, my pulse racing. No. This isn’t what I do. There are no second chances.

But this is what Elijah does. He breaks every rule without consequence. Even those of his family.

When his lips graze across mine, I catch my breath, pulling it deep into my lungs as though it can keep me afloat like a lifebuoy. It’s tender and sweet, just the lightest of flutters. I sigh, exhaling into his mouth, my body relaxing just a degree. One of his hands loops into my hair, tilting my face as he sweeps his tongue along my lower lip seeking entry, and I give it to him. Opening myself up as his thumb runs along the edge of my jaw. We are a tangle of sighs and tongues until he smiles against my mouth. His eyes are closed, his forehead pressed against mine. He’s all I can taste, all I can smell.

“Go out with me tomorrow. Someplace better than McDonalds.”

I should be running. Slamming doors, screaming no.

Instead, I stare into his eyes as our chests press together with each rise and fall of our breath. “Okay.” Curse myself to the depths of hell. “Not The Ritz, though.”

He grins and my heart squeezes painfully. “Not The Ritz.”

“Bye, Elijah.”

“I’ll pick you up at seven thirty.”

“Wait, I need to check my—”

“Seven thirty.” He backs away, still watching me as he walks down the pavement.

I turn and let myself into the outer door. This is bad.

It’s more than bad.

It’s hopeless, but I can’t stop it happening for the simple fact my heart doesn’t want me to.