Page 23 of Tears of Glass

Before, I’d go out and find an easy lay to help me regain control, get me back to not caring and being the one in charge of my own decisions instead of having them made for me.

Tabitha whispers down the phone, something about me and the Tube. How does he feel knowing she’s here with me? Does his heart ache knowing I’m at the other end of the phone, just reaching distance away? Of course it doesn’t. He gets to cuddle up with Sienna Richards every night. I’m long forgotten.

Just like that, I snatch up my bag and motion to Tabitha I’m going out. She tries to call me back with a wave of her hand, but I give a small shake of my head and a little smile. Then I slip out the door.

The only way to recover from this is to regain control.

I walk to the corner where the nearest pub is, the one Gerard and I often came to. Where I’d end the night in the arms of a random stranger while he possibly went home to his wife.

I sink two large glasses of wine while I sit at a corner table, waiting for the right conquest to come along. It doesn’t matter who.

Allowing that moment with Dan to unfold was wrong, and it hasn’t helped. All it’s done is muddle the waters of my already confused mind.

A guy in a check shirt comes up; he’s cute with black hair and green eyes. I smile and finish my wine.

This is just what I need.

I slip from the bar stool, not even bothering to talk. There is no need for introductions—it’s better without, but I stop, frozen in place. My fingers shake and my legs wobble, knees knocking together. Outside, cruising past, is a car like Elijah’s.

It makes me stop.

I wish it didn’t make me think.

It could be anyone, it’s just a car for God’s sake.

But I know how rare that car is.

It’s him and he’s here.

I turn to the man in the checked shirt. What am I doing? I’m going backwards not forwards. Like a flipping idiot who can’t let go of the past.

Elijah set me free.

So I should fly.

I grab my bag and walk away. The man doesn’t speak. I guess he knew his chance was slim. As I head back to the apartment and mount the steps, my heart hammers hard. I don’t think I can face Elijah. What if he’s here? Coming to help Tabitha as a big brother should. I know how much he loves her, how he’d sacrifice anything for her, even me.

My heart sinks when I open the door. Because it’s just her and Lewis. And damn does my heart not know what to do with itself.

I’m making a coffee to sober up, when I realise Lewis wouldn’t have known where I live.

Elijah does.

It was his car.

And he didn’t stop. Not even to say sorry.

Chapter Seven

“And you’re sure you don’t want me to come with you?”

I roll my eyes at Gerard. I wish I hadn’t let him in the apartment now, but it’s done and he’s sat there on my couch making himself look at home. His eyes are trained on the skin above the edge of my vest top where small scabs still line the shard of glass Dan inked for me on the day of Al’s funeral.

“No, I think I should meet her by myself. If I’m going to think about this project, even contemplate one on the scale she’s suggested, then I need to be the one in charge.”

Gerard doesn’t need to ask why I won’t relinquish control.

He leans back on the cushions and rubs his hands down his indigo jeans. “And have you thought about Uni yet, are you going to try to come back to finish?”