Page 99 of Tears of Ink

“Yes,” I whisper. “At first I didn’t notice what was happening. It was just hugs, touches. Sometimes they would linger longer than I’d expect.”

Eli hisses a breath, but I’ve started now, and I can’t stop.

“But you know, I was a teenager, my body was doing its own thing. One Saturday night when Dad and Sandy had gone to bed, he told me to snuggle up while we watched the end of the movie. He kissed me.”

I can’t look at Eli, but I don’t think he can look at me either.

“I told him it was wrong, that we were family, but he said I was being silly and that he knew I enjoyed it.

“He felt me, down there. He grabbed me hard and laughed, told me the body never lies and that I wanted him as much as he wanted me.”

“You were just a kid.”

I shrug. “I grew up quick.” My eyes screw shut against the memories, but they are still there, etched into my memory. “So it carried on, little touches, explorations, and I was always torn between knowing it was wrong and him telling me that I wanted it, that my body was betraying me. That I was naughty and no one would believe I hadn’t led him on.”

Eli hisses, clenching the metal barrier.

“Then one day he went too far.” A snivelling sob works its way from deep within me. “I told him he had to stop, but he didn’t, he kept going and going. He groomed me to believe my body wanted it, that because I responded to his touch, it was right.” I shut my eyes to the memories, the sting of pain.

“That’s why you have the one-time-only rule?”

I nod, a jerky movement. “My body isn’t to be trusted.”

Eli shakes his head. “So what then?”

“I told my dad. I told Sandy. I’d finally cracked and let all my secrets slide to Dan and Abi. They made me believe it was wrong, that Aiden had taken advantage of me… abused me. And I knew he had. He was older, and he knew what he was doing. It’s not like I was in love with him. I hated him touching me, but my body just couldn’t fight it. He was always stronger, more convincing.” I brush away a tear. “Bloody traitorous body.”

“That’s why you have so many tattoos—you’ve been arming yourself.”

I shrug. “That or make people think I’m a certain way so they won’t expect anything from me other than what I give them—which is nothing.” My gaze flicks over him quickly. He who I’ve given everything to without really knowing it.

“So, anyway. Dad didn’t believe me. Sandy told me I was a whore, that I’d tricked her son. At first, she told Dad he had to go with her, away from the lies I was spreading, but eventually she left him. They still live here. Aiden is still walking around like he didn’t abuse a teenage girl, and my father and I don’t speak.”

“Why didn’t he believe you?”

I laugh. It’s bitter. It hurts. “By this point, Aiden had done his damage. I was sliding down a slippery path to not giving a fuck about anything. Then I slept with one of his friends. I didn’t know Aiden had told him what he’d already done with me. I thought he liked me, but then he ridiculed me in front of the school.” I point to my lightning bolt. “This was to remind me never to trust anyone more than once.” Our eyes meet. Eli broke that rule for me. “Dad heard the rumours. I was helping in the shop by then. He said I must have led Aiden on, that I’d confused myself over what happened.

“So, I screamed at him, told him he’d forced himself on me, that he’d taken my—” I stop. I can’t carry on, because that one memory burns more than the others. “But he turned around and said it was only an assault if the other person didn’t want it.”

Eli’s mouth is open. Then he’s up off the wooden deck, pacing away, his hands in his hair, his shoulders bunched over. “Fuck!” He screams into the air, and I launch up, going to him, soothing him. Funny that it’s me calming him. “I’m going to fucking rip someone’s head off.”

And I can sense it, it’s boiling under him. His hands drop to my face, his thumbs skimming my cheeks. Lips crash onto my mouth, his tongue hot and desperate. “I want to take away every bad thing that’s ever happened to you.” The intensity radiating from his face, the deep frown etched into his features tells me he means it.

“You already have.”

“So that’s it. Aiden is still walking around, and you haven’t spoken to your dad.”

I smile slightly, but a giant wave of tears floods down my face. “And Al saved me. Took me in, believed me, and now he’s going to die.”

I sob, my tears drenching Eli’s T-shirt. His arms tighten around me, holding me so close it’s as if we are breathing as one.

“I—” he hesitates.

“You what?” I look up into his beautiful face.

His head shakes. “You’ve got me churning so many emotions, Faith. I can’t make sense of it all. You know the way I was brought up—the Faircloughs aren’t allowed to feel. We keep a stiff upper lip and live behind closed doors. Anything can happen, so long as the rest of the world doesn’t know.” He shudders a breath, his forehead dropping to mine. “But you’ve blown open all the damn doors and I don’t know how to close them again.”

And I know what he means because as he pulls me back in and tangles me tight, holds me, my heart opens up and a wealth of tears begin to fall that could wash away all my stories in ink.