“No thank you,” I demurred. “I can manage. You should go have fun.”
He smiled, like I said that for his benefit, but truly I couldn’t care less about him or his fun. He bowed to me, as expected. “Thank you, Princess.”
With that, he turned and walked back towards the Thurndra estate. Normally I would have stayed longer, but that deep knot in my chest was expanding and I just wanted to go home.
I made my way to the front and requested my carriage be brought around. While I waited, a few more people made my acquaintance, glad to have caught me before I left. Of course I smiled and made small talk I would never remember. I was almost at the end of my rope when my coachman showed up and I was finally able to excuse myself from the small crowd I’d formed.
I threw myself inside and prayed we would start moving faster. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the cool glass window. Sometimes the cold could help quell my coming anxiety, but tonight it didn’t do the trick the same way. Luckily, their main house was right at the edge of the castle, so it didn’t take long before I was in front of the familiar doors of my home.
I thanked the coachman before hopping out, stumbling on my feet a bit. I didn’t feel very drunk, but I must have been to be so unstable on my feet. My heels clacked the hard stone beneath me as I trudged up the steps.
The thing about pretty dresses made of beautiful fabrics?
They were heavy.
The doors opened with a loud announcement. Should have gone through a side entrance.
However, the corridor was empty at this late hour, which meant I should be able to slip in unnoticed. Of course there were guards at their posts, and in these wee hours I was sure kitchen staff were preparing for the early breakfast, but no one who would stop me.
I managed to make it almost to my rooms when Sybil and her shadow Holland came around the corner. Even at this early hour she looked perfectly put together, with her hair back in a neat bun and her baby blue dress smoothed around her.
My eldest sister and I had always been antithetical. Where she was responsible and put together, I was reckless and forgetful. Something she reminded me of often. It used to be easier when our middle sister, Sorcha, was at home, but now she was married and living her happily ever after, leaving me to Sybil alone.
Though she was still as put together as always, something in her eyes looked a bit frazzled, but it was only for a moment, so I may have been imagining it.
“You’re back fairly early,” she said.
“Yup.” I knew it was better not to engage. I always said the wrong thing and right now, I just wanted to be alone. It was a blessing I’d lasted this long without having a breakdown.
“Did you have fun?” she asked.
I didn’t like her tone. It wasn’t casual, but judgmental in the way that only she was. “Did you?” I asked, my eyes flashing to Holland.
I knew it would get a rise out of her. I didn’t mean to rile her up, I just couldn’t help it.
It was probably in my little sister genes somewhere.
She didn’t even acknowledge my obvious meaning, and neither did Holland, but that wasn’t shocking. He almost never did. He was referred to as her shadow for a reason, seen but never really heard.
“You know there are more… constructive things you could do with your time.”
I snorted. Was there? Everything I tried ended in me being asked to leave, or find something more suited to my time.
Except there was nothing.
I didn’t have the energy to explain that to her though.
“I’m just doing what I do best,” I said with a wink instead. “Now if you’ll excuse me.” I tried to side step her, but she didn’t let me off that easily.
“What?” I snapped when she didn’t say anything. She stood taller than I did, so I had to look up a bit to make eye contact with her.
“Are you feeling okay?”
The question caught me off guard. I was hardly ever asked that. What would ever be wrong with me? I was a princess with nothing to do but hang around court all day and then attend whatever party I wanted to at my leisure. My life was one of fairy tales.
“I’m fine. Why?”
She gestured towards me. “You’re… fiddling with it.”
