Page 55 of Splintered Desire

The thing about texting is that it’s hard to know the way someone is saying something. Even more so with Reed because he might not like Widow’s inability to take no for an answer, but he really is a terrible flirt.

I convince myself that’s what this is and pocket my phone to deal with him later.

He’s not helping with this whole need to de-stress the way he was supposed to.

Josh is right where he always is in the library when I walk in. His head snaps up, and he finds me across the room, a smile pulling at his lips as he waves me over, as if I might not see him or know he’s at the same table we always sit at.

He’s cute; his smile is crooked, and honestly, it only makes him cuter, and he’s smart. Not to mention a gentleman, I had to all but spell it out the first time we studied, and I tried to get him to fuck me after.

He’s a good guy and, unfortunately, not at all my type.

Reed comes to mind, but I quickly push the thought of him away. He’s literally my only real friend right now, the only person who knows me for real. I can’t possibly chance messing that up.

I already lost Ozy; I’m not sure I could survive losing anyone else.

Ozy…

Shit, maybe I just have a thing for guys I can’t have. That seems to be the common denominator here, especially if you factor in—

“Hey.” Josh pulls me from my thoughts a moment before they get too outlandish, and I smile at him as he stands, pulling me into an awkward hug.

“Hey,” I say with a smile before I drop into the chair across from his, falling into our ‘normal’ routine. No, Josh might not be my type as far as a boyfriend goes, but he’s familiar and nice and a wonderful distraction.

Josh is safe, and as I sit and get more homework done than I have all week at the house, I wonder if maybe “safe” is what I need. Maybe Josh wouldn’t be a terrible idea, and it’s not like I don’t like him.

He just doesn’t give me butterflies the same way Ozy used to, or Reed does, or Isa— No, nope, not going there.

“Are you okay, Zel?” Josh asks, pulling me from my spiral and making me realize I’d just been caught staring.

“Oh yeah, um,” I clear my throat but feel my cheeks heat even as I turn my attention back to the book in front of me. “Fine. Just spaced out for a second. Sorry.”

He’s quiet for a moment, which isn’t at all like him, and when I look up, I find him looking at me with what I can only describe as a shit-eating grin. I’ve never seen him like this—sure, confident, even.

It’s a good look.

“Hmm,” he says, but his face tells me he isn’t buying it. “My ass is going numb in this hard-ass chair. What do you say we go back to my place? It’s much more comfortable.”

I feel my brows shoot up at his very obvious hint, but I can’t say I mind. If anything, I’m here for it.

“I do love to be comfortable,” I tell him, rolling my eyes at myself because this feels silly, but also so good. This is the most fun and carefree I’ve been in…

Fuck, I don’t even know how long it’s been.

We pack up our stuff and head out of the library, and when he laces his fingers with mine, I don’t stop him as I have in the past. No, this time it feels different. I swear I almost feel the start of a crush, and I’m all too excited to go back to his place and let him fuck me.

Yet another perk to Josh is that he has his own apartment and car because he has a good part-time job at his dad's shop, which he’s had since we were in high school. I don’t remember what they do, despite knowing he’s told me a few times now.

I should probably start listening a little better, especially if I want to give him a chance.

Do I really want to?

I don’t have a chance to really think it through before the choice is taken from me.

We walk out into the cool, crisp early-fall air, and I stop short, pulling Josh to a stop with me.

“Zela?” I hear the confusion in that single word, but I don’t really know what to say.

Thankfully, I don’t have to, though. Josh is smart enough to figure it out, following my line of sight to where Jace sits on top of the hood of Josh’s car, his back mostly to us but not so much that I can’t see that he’s currently cleaning out beneath his nails with a very sharp knife.