Page 65 of The Long Way Found

He'd been gaining a clearer understanding of his feelings for Luke, but he wasn't rushing their development. He was observing.

Compartmentalizing.

Holding fast to his priorities.

Bullshit. All of it. Bullshit.

Or was it? Was he really nothing but a fucking coward?

Yes. The answer was yes.

He thought about Friday. The way he'd fucked Luke like he could prove something with his body that he couldn't say with his words. The way Luke had been quiet afterward. Not unhappy, but distant. Like he knew what Jack was doing.

And tonight, Luke had called him on it. Had said, “I don't need you to fuck me like that every time things get complicated.”

And then he'd said, “I love you.”

And Jack had said, “Thank you.”

Jack pulled into his driveway and sat in the dark, Jeep engine off, hands still gripping the steering wheel.

Luke loved him. Had loved him since they were sixteen. Had waited twenty-four years and still loved him.

And Jack had said “thank you” like Luke had passed him the salt.

He wanted to go back. Wanted to drive back to Luke's house, knock on the door, and say it properly. Say "I love you, too," mean it, and not run away afterward.

But the Jeep stayed in park because Jack didn't know if he could say it. If he could open himself up that way, make himself that vulnerable, trust that Luke wouldn't leave, that this wouldn't fall apart, that choosing love wouldn't mean losing everything else.

You can't fuck your way out of vulnerability. You can't control your way into love. He already knew that. And losing Luke would leave him with nothing, would make his whole adult life seem like one big circular route to nowhere.

So maybe it was safer not to say it. Not to name it. Not to make it real.

Except Luke had already made it real.

"I'm getting there, Luke," Jack said to his empty Jeep.

It was the best he could do right now.

And it wasn't nearly enough.

CHAPTER 25

LUKE

Luke was at his desk Tuesday morning when he overheard two members talking after the eight o’clock session.

"...Richard Hallicks ordered everyone to attend Friday evening," a woman was saying. "All-hands meeting. Something about an emergency visit from the trustees and the power grid..."

Luke's stomach dropped.

Friday. His 40th birthday party.

"Should be interesting," the woman continued. "Guess I'm canceling my dinner plans."

Luke's hands stilled on his keyboard. An all-hands meeting. Friday night. The same night as his party.

The same night, Jack had promised to be there.