Page 216 of The Lies We Play

He breaks.

It is not pretty.

He puts his face in his hands, and his shoulders shake once, and a sound comes out of him that I have never heard before. A sound too old for him. Too young for him. The sound of every door he stood in front of as a child and never opened because no one told him he was allowed to leave.

I take him into my arms.

He comes without a fight.

That is how I know how much it costs.

Halston doesn't fall apart easily. He doesn't give his body to grief unless he knows someone will keep him from being ashamed afterward. I wrap one arm around his shoulders and the other around the back of his neck, and I hold him the way I have held him after nightmares he pretended were insomnia, after Saint Claire dinners that left him silent, after mornings when Liv kissed his temple before class, and he looked at her like tenderness might ruin him.

He presses his face into my shoulder.

I feel the damp heat of his breath through my shirt.

I hold him tighter.

Not to trap him.

To let him stop holding himself together for one fucking minute.

“It’s okay,” I say, though it isn’t.

Halston says, into my shoulder, “Thank you.”

The words are rough. Barely there.

“No,” I say.

He tries to pull back, but I don’t let him go far. I need him to hear this, where I can see his face.

“No,” I repeat. “Thank you for letting me love you. For letting me hold you and trusting me with this part of yourself.”

His eyes search mine.

He looks like he wants to argue.

He looks like he doesn’t know how.

I kiss his forehead.

Then his mouth.

His hand comes up to my jaw, and the kiss stays soft for exactly one second before it deepens. He tastes like wine and hurt, and the relief he hates needing. I let him take what he needs from it. I give him more.

When he pulls back, his forehead rests against mine.

“Liv is going to be angry she missed this,” he says.

I laugh once.

“Liv is going to say she respected her own boundary and will now require a complete emotional transcript with timestamps.”

His mouth curves.

There he is.