Page 92 of Blue Gold

“I don’t think I’ve ever felt this free,” he confessed, breaking the comfortable silence that embraced us.

Slowly, I opened my eyes and climbed up so I’d get to look at him.

“How does freedom feel?”

He stayed quiet for a few moments, until a soft smile drew on his lips.

“Normal.”

His answer, almost too simple, was anything but. I knew what it took to truly feel it. To feel this sense of belonging that was almost impossible to experience. I was happy for him, but at the same time, my heart stung with a bit of jealousy.

“Life is funny sometimes,” I huffed, flipping off his body so my back sank into the warm sand.

Turning to his side, he propped himself on one elbow as I did the same.

“How come?”

“Back in France, I thought going to America would solve all my problems. That there I’d be able to be free, while for you, it’s the opposite.”

“Did it have anything to do with your past relationship?”

I’d figured he’d ask that after what I’d just said, so I nodded.

“Yes.”

“What was his name?”

A lump formed in my throat, and so I averted my stare to focus on the sand.

“Jacques.” It had been months since I’d last said his name, and just as I feared, it brought it all back. “Jacques Bouvier.” His soft smile and bright eyes now filled my mind, along with all those moments we shared together, all those first times I once believed meant something. “We were together for a few years until he met a girl and decided to get married and break my heart.” My throat dried at the memory of seeing that naive girl dressed in a white dress walking down the aisle with the man I loved. I could still hear the crowd cheering alongside the chapel bells ringing, and could still feel the same pain that clenched my stomach like a disease.

“I’m so sorry you experienced that, Elliot.”

He reached out a hand to caress my cheek while I kept my head down so he wouldn’t catch my tears.

“It is a pathetic story, isn’t it?” Turmoil went through me, and holding back a cry, my lips trembled. “But what was more pathetic was him coming to me that same night and begging me to fuck him one last time.” Now, staring at the blue ocean, that memory was clearer than ever: The tears in Jacques’s eyes when I told him to leave me alone, the grip of his hand as he tried to make me stay, and the empty love confession that kept coming out of his mouth. But above all? I remembered what a fool I was to believe him, again.

“So I fucked him in his family’s barn.” Remembering his strong body bent as I thrust inside him made my lips curl into a painful smile. “He was on all fours, moaning like the pigs in that dirty shack, when his new bride walked in and saw it all.”

The screams, yelling, tears, they all came back at once, turning this beautiful sunny day into a dark night with no stars. But the blow of the breeze reminded me of where I was, and my eyes grew wider after I realized I’d shared too much. Worried I’d scared Daniel, I quickly looked up at him.

“I… I said too much⁠—”

“Not at all.” He placed his hand on my nape, the touch giving me comfort. “I’m glad you finally shared this with me.” His lips formed a thin line before he took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Elliot. And now I realize even more how unfair the situation I forced you into is.”

Annoyed that this was what he understood, I smacked his chest and pushed him to his back.

He landed on the sand with a huff, and I climbed on top of him.

“The situation you forced me into,” I mimicked him while rolling my eyes.

“What—”

“Why do men always have to make everything about themselves?” I grunted, tired of the male species.

“May I remind you you’re a man yourself?” he complained, brows furrowed.

“Well, duh.” Forcing him down, I leaned close, eyes locked with his. “I’m not innocent. Okay? I knew you were married and still chose to chase you, so enough with the self-pity. It’s not sexy at all.”