Page 155 of Blue Gold

“I’m not interested.”

He clicked his tongue, then pulled away.

“So why did you come here?” he asked, voice hurt.

“You asked to go for a ride, so…”

“No. I mean, why did you come back to France? Wasn’t it because of my letter?”

It was only then that I turned to frown at him. “Your letter?”

He nodded, running a hand through his tousled hair. “Yeah, isn’t that why you came back?”

I stared at him for a good minute. But as his face kept serious, I realized he honestly believed it.

Then, the most unexpected thing happened—I laughed.

I laughed so hard until I had tears in my eyes and my belly hurt. Jacques pouted his lips, clearly offended by my reaction, which, quite honestly, I couldn’t control. He probably thought I found it funny, but I didn’t. I thought it was incredibly sad, so much so that those tears in my eyes quickly turned into tears of pain, and I slumped back on the grass, my hands covering my eyes as I thought back on everything that had gotten me to this moment. It had started years ago, when I thirsted for Jacques’s love so badly that I settled for the bits he tossed at me. Having no self-respect and hungry to be loved, I ate whatever crumbs he threw at me, and when it all blew up in my face? I ran away, only to fall in love again. At first, with Daniel, it was just more of the same, chasing an unavailable man in the pursuit of being loved. But once I realized Daniel was different and that his love was real and kind, I did everything to keep it mine, including ignoring the pain that it caused me. Scared to lose his love, I repressed those fears in every way necessary, no matter the cost. But in the end, it blew up, and I ended up back right where it all started.

“It’s just… really funny, you know?” I said, my voice hoarse from crying.

“What is?”

Wiping away my tears, I looked up at the sky.

“I starved for love for so long… that now… now I just starve.” My voice broke, tears clogging my vision as my lips quivered between a smile and a cry. “It’s hilarious, really.”

What started in an attempt to be loved ended with, well, we’d see.

“I want you to take me home,” I said, moving to sit up.

“But—”

I tried standing. Sadly, my knees failed me, and it was Jacques who caught me.

“Elliot!”

“I-I’m okay,” I panted, holding on to him for support while my body rejected his closeness. “Just please, take me home. I’m tired.”

48

ELLIOT

The ride back was bumpy, and my head constantly knocked against the window in Jacques’s truck as I tried to get some sleep. Understanding it wasn’t about to happen, I turned on the stereo. But when an annoying song came on, I immediately turned it off.

“I’ve got some CDs, if you want,” he said.

“I’m good.”

“Are you sure? They’re here—” He reached for the glove box when his cell phone rang, and he pulled it out of his pocket instead.

While he read the name on the screen, I did the same, and would you believe it?

“You’ve got to be kidding,” I huffed as he sent the call to voicemail.

“What?” He scowled at me, pocketing his phone.

“You’re still married to her?”