Page 90 of Unexpected Prejudice

Shay-Lee shifted in his seat, indicating his discomfort with the conversation, but I wasn’t about to drop it. Not yet anyway.

“Jordy…” He looked annoyed, but I continued to push.

“No, it’s time we talked. Actually, talk.” I leaned closer. “I know I care about you more than you care for me, and I’m fine with that. Fuck, I can continue doing whatever this is, but I need to know what it is, exactly. You understand me?”

He bit on the corner of his lips before he rolled his shoulders. “I don’t fucking know what this is. I told you to stay away, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, but then you pull me back in only to push me away again, so you can understand why I’m fucking confused.” I knew I had no right to have this conversation, considering he never promised me anything, but I didn’t care. I needed some answers. And then, it hit me. “You’re in love with Miles, aren’t you?”

Caught off guard, Shay-Lee quickly glared at me, his brows pulled together, and his mouth pressed in a hard line.

Oh, shit. He was angry.

“What the fuck are you talking about? You know what, fuck you, Jordan.” He pushed his plate aside, the food almost spilling over the table. “I took you here for a good time, and you bring all that crap up? I thought you hated talking. All of a sudden, you can’t seem to shut up.” His voice grew louder, but no one seemed to notice since we were far enough from the other tables.

“I’m not trying to piss you off.”

“Well, you failed.” He gave me a fake smile and looked away.

“Listen, it’s cool if you are. I just need to know.” Cool if he’s in love with Miles? Keep lying to yourself. “So, I’m some sort of a replacement?”

“Fuck off,” he snapped.

Instead of backing off, I reached forward and grabbed his hand, not giving a shit if someone could see. And though he looked at my hand with shock, Shay-Lee didn’t shrug me off.

“When I fuck you, you wish it was him? Is that it?” Maybe if I heard him say it straight up, it would help me move on.

He spoke with his blue eyes set on me and his jaw tensed. “When you fuck me, I don’t think about anything. That’s the whole point, you idiot. I don’t want to think. I don’t want to feel, I—” An emotion I couldn’t determine flashed behind his eyes. “I just want things to stop. To cease. When you fuck me, I feel numb, and I need that. I need to feel numb, or else I’ll lose my fucking mind, Jordy. It has nothing to do with love. Trust me on that.”

As the intensity of his words sank in, he looked away, and I took a minute to think things through.

“Do you want to tell me why you feel that way?”

He huffed. “No.”

I wasn’t surprised. As always, a conversation with him only left me with more questions. In all those years I’d crushed over him and fantasized about the two of us, it never occurred to me that he might not be as perfect as he seemed. Realizing he was an actual human, and not some perfect doll, but a real, screwed-to-the-bone human was enlightening and made me see Shay-Lee differently. I used to see him as god-like, with his beautiful looks, ideal life, and confidence that went on for miles, but the last few months proved how wrong I was. So caught up with prejudices, I completely misjudged him.

He wasn’t perfect.

He was broken.

Shay-Lee had a secret that was big enough to force him to seek numbness. A dark, cruel secret that ate him from the inside. Miles was just an excuse, another way to distract him and keep him at ease. The same thing I was—a means to an end.

Here’s your answer.

I wasn’t a replacement, nor was I a casual hookup. I was simply another one of his tools to keep him away from those demons that tortured him relentlessly. I was a shield that protected him from his own fucking sword, and I was starting to get hurt.

I needed to walk away. I had to stop this toxic relationship because deep down I knew I wasn’t strong enough to handle it.

“I brought you here because it used to be my mom’s favorite place,” Shay-Lee said, breaking the silence, making me realize how weak and greedy I was. I was weak because all it took was one confession from him to drag me back in and make me forget everything he had done to me. I was greedy because I wanted to have him and believed I could be a solution. His solution.

“Really?” I asked while admiring how the sunrays brushed his skin and painted him gold.

“Yeah.” A soft smile broke his lips as he looked over the horizon, probably lost in memories.

Shay-Lee was twelve when his mom died in a tragic accident. I wasn’t familiar with the details, and until now, I’d never really heard him mention her. Maybe only once, when he was angry at Miles. And even though he hardly ever spoke of her, I had no doubt he loved her. The pain on his face proved it.

“Then thank you for bringing me here.” Once again, I reached to touch his hand. Like before, he glanced down at the touch and nodded.