Page 137 of Unexpected Prejudice

“It’s because I’m looking at you.”

He shook his head, a painful smile spread on his lips. “It’s because you’re so kind and good.” He leaned forward and once again kissed me, only this time, I knew it was a goodbye, so I squeezed my eyes and hoped it would never end.

“I’m like the sun,” he whispered over my lips. “You think I’m bright, but staring at me too long will blind you, and I’m scared it already has. So please, Jordan, if not for yourself, go there for me. Get better for my sake. Please.”

Leaving me speechless, he straightened up and untangled our fingers. The loss of his touch was worse than anything that happened to me the past year, but once again, there was nothing I could do to stop myself from hurting. When my father left us, there was nothing I could do. When we lost our house, there was nothing I could do. When my mom cried, there was nothing I could do. I was always so powerless, and now, the person I wanted most in the world was about to go away, and I was bound to the bed, not even able to get up and stop him from going.

From the day we started this, he made all the rules while I was a clueless pawn in his game. He warned me, more than once, that loving him would only hurt me, but he was wrong.

It didn’t hurt me.

It destroyed me.

Levi

“Are you sure you want to visit him?” Jessie asked as we walked through the long hospital hall.

“He almost died, Jessie.”

Coming to stand in front of me, he started to walk backward. “Yeah, but people almost die every day, and you don’t go to visit them.”

“You’re saying you don’t want us to visit Jordan?”

His eyes grew wide, and he waved his hands in dismissal. “Of course I do! But given everything that’s happened, I don’t want to be an idiot and ignore your feelings again.”

I stopped walking and rested my hands on my waist. “Jessie, I appreciate the thought, but me and my feelings are okay.” A smile spread on my face because of how serious he looked with his brows furrowed and his eyes intense. “I’m no longer jealous of him or the friendship you had. I know you love me, and it’s okay if you still want to be his friend.” Poking his nose, I chuckled. “I mean it, Kotik. I don’t mind.”

A month ago, I would have thought otherwise, but things had changed. Since Christmas Day, Jessie and I had changed. I’d learned to open up, stop lying about my feelings and trust he’d love me no matter what, and he made sure I truly believed it. In him. In us.

He gave me courage when I lacked it and didn’t hold it against me. Whenever the need to break apart took over me, he was there. Patiently and tenderly, he’d hold me together while providing me with all of his love.

Who knew it was possible to love him more than I already did? If I was being honest, it was thanks to Jordan that we reached this place. If it weren’t for him, we would still be half-asleep in our relationship. We needed something to wake us up and make us see our problems.

We loved each other, we always had, but we hadn’t always communicated as we should’ve. I knew that a lot of that was my fault, but it wasn’t only me. I now realized that being together meant sharing our love and burdens and that speaking my emotions wasn’t a weakness but a necessity.

We started walking again. “Besides, we’re already here because we gave Diesel a ride so they can take out his stitches. So why not kill two birds with one stone?”

A month ago, Diesel surprised us all by collapsing and bleeding on the kitchen floor. We rushed him to the hospital, where he got patched up. It wasn’t just a wound. He’d been stabbed and still refused to tell us who had done it. I didn’t remember ever seeing Chief this mad before. He was even more furious when Diesel refused to tell us what had happened.

At least he’s okay.

“I wonder who stabbed him.” Jessie poked his inner cheek with his tongue.

“Me too.”

“You think he’d tell us?”

“I doubt it,” I said as we stopped before the elevator.

“That’s a shame,” he said and pressed the call button. “I’m curious as fuck.”

“Just make sure not to bring it up again, you know how angry Diesel gets,” I mumbled, pulling out my phone to check my recent messages.

“Your mom?” he asked, and I hummed a yes while texting her back.

“She’s asking if we want to eat lunch tomorrow.”

I sort of worked things out with my mom after the whole shit blew up. It wasn’t easy, but I did it anyway, only this time, I made sure she knew what I was thinking. I made it clear that she had a lot of making up to do and that I wouldn’t tolerate her putting me last again. If she wanted me back in her life, she better work for it because I was worth working for. I also had Jessie’s full support. He joined me every time and did his best to be nice. He was absolutely amazing, which made me feel ashamed for ever doubting him. I apologized for it after he first came with me to see her.