Page 115 of Unexpected Prejudice

A moment ago, I was in the living room, trying to watch TV while remembering my first kiss with Levi, when suddenly, my lungs couldn’t find air. My chest felt like it was being crushed under tons of cold metal, my head was dizzy, and all my limbs trembled.

I knew what was going on. I’d had enough panic attacks in my life before to know all the symptoms right away, but it still didn’t prevent my brain from believing I was one second away from dying. Maybe this time was different, and my heart wouldn’t handle it and burst in my chest—

“I-I’m going to die,” I cried through the pain and the heat while trying to stand again, only to be shaken by the nausea.

To the floor. Move to the floor.

Listening to that tiny voice in my head, I crawled to the floor and lay on my back while spreading my arms to the sides. The cold tiles helped me briefly before my whole body started to tremble, and tears rolled down my face.

Make it stop. Please, make it stop.

“It’s okay, Champ, you’re okay.”

I can’t breathe; I’m about to die.

“It’s okay, Jessie. I’m right here with you.”

My mouth felt dry, and I opened my eyes to see Chief. He was hovering over me, and I realized his hand was moving in circles over my chest.

“Yes, focus on my hand.”

“I-I can’t—”

“Focus on my hand.”

I closed my eyes and tried to do as he said. A shiver ran down my spine, and I felt like drowning in icy water, but then Chief applied a bit more pressure, and suddenly, I felt like I could breathe again—just a little bit.

“Good, Jessie. You’re doing so well. I’m proud of you.”

I’m good. I’m doing good.

“Now, breathe with me, okay?”

Closing my eyes again, I focused on the spot his hand was pressing against on my chest. The pressure was comforting and reminded me I was alive. As I took a deep breath, Chief’s arm rose with my chest and then pushed as I let out the air.

“I’m so proud of you, Jessie. So proud.”

I took another breath, and this time, I could feel the air spreading through my veins, and with it came the relief. I was starting to feel better, and it would soon be over. This is only temporary, once it’s over, I will feel good. Normal.

“What do you need, Jessie?”

I tried to find my voice, but it still wasn’t there, and for a moment, I was scared, but then Chief brought his hand to my forehead and moved my hair out of the way.

“It’s okay if you can’t talk yet, don’t be scared. I’m right here until you can.”

Locking eyes with him, I nodded.

“Now focus on your breaths. Take your time. Breathe in, and breathe—”

“Out,” I managed to mumble.

“Good job, Jessie.” He smiled and softly caressed my hair, while massaging the same spot on my chest, not stopping until I could finally breathe.

“Chief,” I blurted before my body relaxed, and I broke down in tears. Even though I welcomed Chief’s embrace as his strong arms held me tight, they weren’t what I needed.

I needed Levi, and I knew he needed me, too. The only problem was, Levi wasn’t here.

He’d been gone for the past four days, which felt like four years.