Page 111 of Unexpected Prejudice

“Hey, Jessie, did you see Paris? He has been waiting for you since we landed.” She smiled, and I felt bad for not giving a shit. I usually would’ve, but right now, all I cared about was Levi.

“Yeah, yeah, we met outside. How was the flight?” Not meaning to stay and hear the answer, I moved toward the stairs when I heard a whistle, and in walked Kai and Chief.

“Jessie, saw my kid? He’s been driving us nuts wanting to see you,” Kai said while wrapping an arm around Zoe’s shoulder.

“Why do you smell like bacon?” She wrinkled her nose, and Kai shrugged.

I really didn’t have time for this. Not today, not right now.

“Hey, Jess, is everything okay?” Chief asked, but I was already running up the stairs and reaching for our door, which was unlocked, thank god.

The moment I saw Levi packing up things in his bag, everything went to shit, and any intention I had of keeping cool flew out the fucking window.

“What the hell are you doing?” I panted, still catching my breath from running to our room. Putting my hand on the bag, I stopped him from packing more clothes. “Answer me.”

When Levi looked away, ignoring me, it was like being stabbed in the heart, but I pushed away the pain. “What are you doing? Why are you packing a fucking bag?”

He clenched his jaw and bit his lips before finally speaking. “I need space.”

What the fuck? Space? He needed space? Fuck that!

“No fucking way. I’m not letting you shut me out.”

Rather than saying a word, he turned around and walked to our closet. I followed his steps and reached for his shoulder. “Levi.”

“I need space, or else I’ll say things I’ll regret,” he snapped, shrugging me off.

“So, say them. Tell me what the fuck is going on inside that head of yours.”

He shook his head. “I won’t, so let me go.”

“Fuck no. I’m not letting you go. Please, Levi, talk to me and stop shutting me out.” Unable to deal with his silence, I continued to push. “Tell me what’s wrong. Talk with me.” I took another step toward him. “Tell me why you’re so mad.”

“I’m mad because you wanted to fuck someone else!” he shouted.

He never shouted before. Never. Not once since we met each other eight years ago. Sometimes, he raised his voice, but screaming the way he just did? With nothing but anger and pain in his voice? Never.

Finally turning to look at me, I saw the unshed tears in his eyes. “I’m mad because even though I did everything I could so you’d be happy with me, so you’d love me, it still wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.”

“Of course, you’re enough. You’re everything to me.”

“Really? So why did you want to sleep with Jordan so badly? Why did you make the three of us fuck? To explore?” He used air quotes on that last word before his bottom lip trembled. “Please,” he hissed. “You just wanted to fuck someone else.”

I raised my hand to get a word in. “Hey, hold on. That’s not fair. You wanted that, too. You agreed to it.”

“You think I don’t know it?” His voice broke, but he still didn’t cry. “That’s the whole problem. It’s because I said yes that I can’t be angry at you.” He paused and swallowed back his tears.

Why won’t he cry? Why won’t he let it all out?

“I can’t blame you for it even though I want to… I want to blame you so fucking much, but I can’t, and that’s killing me. I want to hate you.” He lifted his hand and pinched his fingers close until they almost touched. “I want to hate you just this much, but I can’t.” He pressed his lips tight and spread his arms. “So, instead, I hate myself this much.”

Growing up, there wasn’t a day that went by without me getting beaten up. Each person had their own way of doing it: kicking, punching, slapping, smacking with a belt, or throwing me across the room… I had it all. And while each time was different, they all hurt just the same.

Right now, Levi’s admission hurt a thousand times worse.

The pain he was barely holding in, the words he’d scraped from the bottom of his heart before shouting them, the suffering in his eyes… knowing I was the one who brought him there broke me like nothing ever had.

How did I manage to hurt the one person I loved the most in this world?