Page 120 of Mistaken Prejudice

“No, it wasn’t. That’s my point. It’s because I’m bipolar that it happened. It’s because I stopped taking my medications, and I just… my mania made me believe I would do fine without my meds. Okay? So I lied to my dads about it, I lied to my therapist, and I lied to you.” He then stopped to catch his breath before continuing, “Once I started retaking my medication, it gave me energy that pushed me into action. My mind wasn’t clear, and I was in a bad place, Andrei. A bad place that had nothing to do with you.

“That’s what I meant when I said it changes everything. From now on, whenever something happens, and I’ll be sad or happy or angry, you’ll immediately think it’s because of you.

“The thing is, I will have episodes again. And when that happens, you’ll blame yourself. Best case? You’ll get tired of me and leave. Worst case? You’ll think you triggered my condition. And you will think that way. You’ll think you’re the reasons for it while it has nothing to do with you and has everything to do with chemicals that don’t sit right in my fucking brain.”

“Miles,” I tried talking, but he shook his head, not allowing me to interrupt his speech and miss his point.

“Andrei, you need to understand that I’m going to feel like this, a lot. I take medication and see a therapist, but it doesn’t always help. I get overwhelmed, and my brain can’t keep up with it. When I’m having mania? It’s addictive. It’s the best feeling in the world. I’m invincible, the highest I’ve ever been, until I’m not, and I crash. And the crash?” He stopped talking and looked down at his feet before continuing, “You saw it for yourself. The way I acted? I’m not surprised you got scared. It’s scary. I know it is. And I won’t blame you if you decide to break up with me. I mean, we’re already broken up, but you get my point.”

I grabbed his hand and crossed my fingers with his.

“My mom is alive.”

“What?” He looked up from the ground and met me with a confused expression.

“My mom. Remember I told you she’s dead? Well, she isn’t. It was a lie. I lied. She’s doing time in federal prison, and I treat her like she’s dead because I’m a coward.”

“Why are you telling me this?” His forehead creased.

“You don’t know everything about me the same way I don’t know everything about you. I’m a coward, and I say shit that hurts people and do things I regret. I’m not perfect myself. No one is, and at least you’re being honest with me.”

“Why did you keep this from me?”

“Same reason you did. I was scared you’d run the other way.”

He narrowed his eyes. “So basically, we both didn’t trust each other enough to be real from the start?”

“Can you blame us?”

“I guess not…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “So, you’re not breaking up with me?” He pinned me with a look.

“No. I’m not. I didn’t mean to break up with you in the first place. That night we fought after the wedding? I just needed some time to cool off, but later on, when I came back to your house and saw Shay-Lee—”

“I never slept with him. I swear.” He shook his head. “You got to believe me.”

“I know. I believe you. I was too angry to do that then, but I do now.”

“He did kiss me,” he confessed. “But I pushed him away. He told me he loved me, and I turned him down. And after finding out what he did to you? I can never forgive him. I hate him, Andrei. I truly do.”

I looked aside as I nodded. I already got the feeling Shay-Lee was lying about sleeping with Miles that night in Pacific Green, where he was completely out of it. I was sure they didn’t sleep together and that it was all a lie once I saw him back in school. For the past three weeks, he looked nothing like the guy I met at the beginning of the year. Haunted by his own demons, he was a shell of his old self. I wasn’t sure the change was visible to others as it was to me, but it didn’t matter.

“He came here yesterday,” Miles continued and caught me off guard.

“He did?”

“Yeah. But Papa kicked him out.”

Hold on. Elliot kicked Shay-Lee out?

“The pills I used to…” He didn’t finish his sentence, but he didn’t have to. I knew what he was talking about and would rather not think of it. “Anyway, the pills? They were his. The bottle they found in my room had his name on it, so afterward, when I could talk, my dads asked me, and I told them everything. From how he treated you to the lying, bullying, his lashing out, basically the whole story minus the broken arm part. I assumed you didn’t want the police to be involved.”

“Yeah, it’s a good thing you deleted that part, but fuck.” I pushed my right hand through my hair. “So Elliot told him to go away?”

“Told him?” Miles blew out some air. “More like screamed. I’ve never seen him so angry before in my life. He slapped Shay-Lee. Legit slapped him. Flat on the cheek.”

This sounded so out of character for Elliot that I found it hard to imagine. I would have paid good money to see it happen. To see that jackass get what he deserved. A slap? It didn’t even come close, but it was a good start. I hated that guy. I truly hated him.

“Anyway, after Papa slapped him, he told Shay-Lee to never come near us again, and that was pretty much it. He got out of here without so much as a word. Thank God for that. I don’t know how I’ve been friends with him for so long, and I’m sorry about the shit he made you go through. I hope he’s out of our lives.”