Page 43 of Impractical Magic

In the distance, a male voice bellowed, “MELANNNNIAAAAA!”

She slammed the glass door so hard it nearly shattered. “Wrong hotel, wrong hotel—”

She turned to find Nate, laughing his ass off.

“Wait,” she said. “Did you do this . . . ? On purpose?”

“I can’t believe it actually worked!”

“Oh my God. You’re not funny!” Scarlett began furiously tapping Mama’s rhythm on the gold bathroom tiles. “Like, not even a little bit funny. If I can’t get this open again, we are completely—”

From outside the bathroom, the bellow came again. “Dammit, Melania, are you upstairs?!”

The gilded wall shimmered, and Scarlett let out a relieved sigh. “Oh phew, here it is.” She glared at Nate. “I should leave you here—you know that?”

He winked. “With this face? Nah, you couldn’t.”

Scarlett grabbed his arm. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

Chapter 16: Just the Two of Us

Another hotel, another bathroom shower. This time it was just an average hotel shower—no gold, and a curtain rather than a thick glass door.

Scarlett peeked out.

A woman screamed.

Scarlett screamed.

Nate shouted, “What the—?”

The shower curtain was ripped away, and they were confronted by an elderly woman in tweed, brandishing a samurai sword. Scarlett recognized her immediately as a member of the Gilbert and Sullivan Society—she’d seen her in the fretful crowd down in the lobby.

“Who are you? What are you doing here?” The lady wielded her sword in an awkward but not unthreatening manner. “And what have you done with my husband?!”

“Hey . . . everything is all right,” Scarlett said as calmly as one can when on the wrong end of a samurai sword. “Madame, you saw me this morning, do you remember? When you were checking in?”

“Answer my questions!”

“Okay . . . I’m Scarlett Melrose, and my family runs this inn. This is Nate Williams. He owns the local hardware store, plus he’s a part-time handyman and full-time pain in my backside.”

“At your service,” Nate offered.

The lady seemed to take only the tiniest comfort from this information, lowering her sword just slightly. “How did you end up in my shower?”

“Well, you’ve probably noticed that things are a bit complicated around town at the moment. We came through a portal from—you know what, that part doesn’t matter. Anyway, it was purely accidental. We never meant to startle you.”

“Did Bert go through a portal?”

“Bert?” Nate’s forehead wrinkled.

“My husband Bert. He stepped into the bathroom earlier and disappeared. I’ve looked all over the inn. I can’t find him anywhere. And now here you are. Did he go through a portal, do you think?”

Scarlett wasn’t sure how to answer this in a way that would reduce the amount of sword-wielding. “Mmmm, perhaps? But if so, I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Ohhh yeah,” Nate said. “Bert is completely fine at the bottom of a volcano or wherever he’s ended up.”

“What?!”