Page 122 of A Thief to Die For

Her uniform is combat trousers with a simple fitted T-shirt. Her weapons have been removed, but the leather straps for them remain.

My heart feels like it’s going to punch out of my chest. She looks perfect – healthy. So very alive.

I think I’d do just about anything for her not to run away when she sees me.

But I know that’s a very real possibility.

‘Marian,’ calls Lucky.

I go still as she glances over. Her face falls like she’s seen a ghost.

‘That’s not good,’ Levi mutters.

No, it’s not.

By the time she’s standing in front of me, my heart is thrashing behind my ribs. I open my mouth, but it’s like the air crystalises between us, holding us frozen in place.

I’ve rehearsed this moment countless times. Practised opening lines and apologies until I could recite them in my sleep. But nothing’s prepared me for the avalanche of emotion I feel at seeing her. My throat goes thick. My tongue feels tied in a knot. I want to hug her. Stare at the cleverness in her doe-eyes. Memorise the curve of her lips. Before I know it, I’m tracking the freckles on her nose, counting. My memories haven’t served me well.

‘You’re making the air awkward,’ Levi whispers, not so quietly.

I grimace. ‘Is there … somewhere we …’

She nods, then spins on her heel and speeds off.

‘Well, go get her,’ Samuel says. ‘And try some words next time.’

I throw my friends a look that says ‘not helping’ as I chase after her. But I know – I’m messing this up.

She exits the compound, rounds the side, passing the cooks working in the outdoor kitchen, and disappears behind the back of the building. I jog to catch up and the moment I turn the corner, she’s there, waiting for me. I stop and let out a relieved breath. Then we’re back to staring at each other.

‘Marian,’ I finally get out.

‘You came back,’ she says.

‘Yes.’

‘I wasn’t sure you would.’ Her gaze slides down me. ‘You look … healed.’

‘Yeah, although it took a while.’ I bite my lip. ‘And how are you?’

‘I’m … okay. Mostly.’

‘Good.’ There’s more to unpack there, but I’m not sure now is the time. ‘And you’re teaching grappling?’ I can’t stop my smile. ‘They get to learn from the best.’

She studies a rock by her foot, face revealing nothing. ‘I’m not the best.’

‘You’re better than I am, and I’d jump at the chance to be taught by you.’ I’m dead serious. I’ve spent entire nights dreaming of doing the simplest things together. Dreaming of our future.

She half shakes her head.

It feels like there’s a hole in my lungs, and I’m leaking air. My smile fades at the obvious wall between us. A wall I don’t know how to break. ‘Is that what you want to do? Teach?’

‘Partly.’

‘And the other part?’

She looks at me and just like every time, my stomach lurches. With excitement. With claws of dread. This could go either way, and it’s killing me. ‘Still figuring it out,’ she says. ‘Listen … the last time we were together, I was in a bad place. I … I had a lot of guilt. For not stopping Atlas sooner. For how I left things with my sister, and that we didn’t have time to …’ She quiets a moment. ‘I had to go home and bury Agatha. Face Dezzy. Explain everything that happened. And – this might sound ridiculous – but I needed to see that people can get close to me without getting hurt.’