Page 116 of My Killer Blind Date

He takes a second to consider his response. ‘Maybe this is a good time to tell you something. I like you. I really like you. I—’ He swallows. ‘I want to be with you. This isn’t just casual dating for me. I – I care about you. I want to fully graduate you out of your frozen lasagna phase and brew you coffee every morning and find the next ceramic squirrel for your collection.’ He cracks a grin. ‘Sorry. That sounds like a proposal. I just mean—’

I grab his hand, threading my fingers through his in that familiar way.

‘I want to be with you too.’

He exhales, a grin overtaking his face.

‘But I can’t go to Cincinnati.’

‘OK …’ He probes my face.

A tear slips out of my eye, because after all the life-changingly bad shit that’s happened, something good has fallen into my lap, and all of a sudden it feels like my future is unfurling before me.

Exactly one week ago, I was having what I could in fairness call the worst night of my life. And, seven days later, a dream I’ve had for years is springing to life so damn fast, I’m dizzy with it. I’m not saying I think everything happens for a reason. But I am saying that something is happening that I don’t fully understand.

‘Nil Sine Numine,’ I say.

‘Huh?’ says Liam.

‘Your tattoo.’ Another tear squeezes out of my eye, and Liam dashes it away with a soft finger.

‘Sorry, you can’t go with me to Cincinnati because of my tattoo?’

I laugh as more tears spark. ‘I’m saying I have to call my real estate agent.’

‘Your …’

‘I mean – I don’t have a real estate agent. But I need to get one. Because I need to lease a property. I already know the one I want.’ It’s the corner store I saw for rent with Liam, near the salsa bar, the night I realized I wanted to trust him.

He tilts his head.

‘This reward, Liam—’ I shake my head in disbelief. ‘I’m going to launch the coffee shop I’ve been thinking about since I was nineteen.’ My head is exploding with all the things I’m about to do. ‘I’m going to employ women who need that leg up. I’m going to offer the best benefits package available. I’ll get a state-of-the-art espresso machine that I will make you the best coffee of your life on. Tables and plants and a bookshelf with free books—’ My hands move as if painting the picture. ‘Local musician nights and poetry slams and student art displays – mental health resources and—’ I catch my breath because it’s real, the dream is within my reach. I can barely breathe for all the excitement that’s shooting through me. The range of emotions I’ve just gone through is so disorienting. Grief, and devastation – but this dream is pushing stubbornly up anyway, joyful, strong and fast.

Liam’s expression has transformed. His smile is huge.

‘Can you believe it?’ I say, my voice catching with a sob.

‘C’mere.’ He opens his arms and I crash into his chest and we hold on to each other like our lives depend on it.

He doesn’t say anything about silver linings or reasons or coincidences or blessings, and neither do I. But I know we’re both thinking of it. Trying to make sense of the tragedy and the blessing, and how one brought about the other.

The good stuff doesn’t give the bad stuff a reason. Saying this is why Zoe had to kill people would be insane. But maybe there is a special grace at play too in the world, like a force, silently doing its work of creating mercy in the darkness. Making sure there are good treasures you can pull out of hell as you walk through it. And maybe the new coffee shop will be the treasure born out of hell.

And Liam. A treasure I may never have found in any other version of the multiverse.

My face is buried in Liam’s jacket. He smells good. So, so good.

‘But you’ll come back,’ I say, my voice muffled, ‘when your assignment in Cincinnati is over.’

He chuckles, low in his chest. ‘I’ll always come back.’

Epilogue –

Two months later

The late-August heat in Chicago is out of control, but despite our sweaty palms in the early morning eighty-six-degree temps, Liam and I hold hands as we walk down Lincoln Avenue, because it’s been weeks since I’ve last seen him, and I’m not letting go unless I absolutely have to.

He came back last night from his job in Cincinnati – locating a teenage girl who’d been kidnapped by her much-older ‘boyfriend,’ a man who’d been stalking her online for years. The girl is now reunited with her family.