Page 40 of Kiss Me Like You Mean It

‘A trust?’ Lee looks puzzled.

‘I guess it was important that he make it clear how much he disapproved of my rootless lifestyle and wild-child antics,’ I say, quoting directly from the letter I received, the one burned into my brain no matter how much I try to forget about it. ‘So there are a bunch of stipulations to gain access to the money. A kind of morality clause. I am to be assessed,’ I bite out, ‘by a lawyer, the trustee, and should I be found wanting then the trust will be dissolved and the money absorbed by the estate. I’m sure you can guess which way the new duke will be hoping the assessment goes.’

Lee’s eyes widen.

‘If it was just me,’ I continue quickly, ‘I wouldn’t give a shit about that asshole’s money. We’ve already been through this once when he cut me off because I wouldn’t go to university like he had planned. He loved to try and use money to control me and I never let him. But it’s not just me anymore.’

‘Phoebe,’ Lee says with understanding.

I hum in agreement. ‘I can’t do my job the way I used to.’ It’s hard not to wince at that, but I force my face to remain as neutral as my tone. No one needs to know how much that admission hurts. ‘I have to be here, with her, and photography isn’t compatible with that. For now I’m doing some construction work on the inn, but I should be wrapping that up in the next couple of weeks.’

‘You—’ Lee looks more dazed by this revelation than anything else. ‘You’ve been working on the inn? I didn’t know you could even…’ She makes a gesture with her hands that I think is supposed to symbolise hammering an imaginary nail. It’s adorable.

I grin. ‘You didn’t know I had a contracting licence?’

She shakes her head, eyes round. ‘You mean you can… build things?’ she asks. ‘With… your hands?’

The slightly breathless way she says it has all the blood running unexpectedly to my groin and I shift in my seat. ‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘That’s kind of how it works.’

When she continues to look at me, I keep my tone light, not wanting to let her know I’m affected. ‘You forget that I didn’t go to university. It was a lot of years before photography paid the bills and I took on all sorts of jobs, including working on a lot of building sites. I got trained up in a bunch of different skills – it was a practical choice, meant wherever I was in the world I knew I could always find work.’

‘I suppose I didn’t really think about it,’ she frowns. I’m reminded of this morning when I learned she started university early. I hadn’t paid attention back then. Hearing about how lonely she’d been as a kid made me feel like a piece of shit. I know she’s always struggled with big crowds, and I remember her tagging along after us sometimes when we were home, but I don’t think Jack and I spared her much of a thought.

Now I shrug. ‘Why would you? Anyway, you don’t require a state-level licence in Maine, just a local one, so that was easy enough. When I got here I needed a steady job and Magda desperately needed work doing on the inn. It was another leap of faith for her, but I do good work, and obviously I’m not charging her anything like she’d have to pay someone else. I owe her a lot.

‘I’ve got a decent amount of cash set aside,’ I add quickly, and I don’t love how much I want Lee to know I’m a financially responsible adult, but the woman is an accountant. ‘Mostly because I’ve never spent money on anything but travelling – I had no house, no furniture, not much more than I could carry in a backpack, so my savings are in a good state, but they won’t last for ever. I want to buy the house from Magda, to work to extend it. After everything she’s been through Phoebe needs strong roots, stability. I can give her that.’

I tap my fingers against the side of the boardwalk, frustration bubbling in my veins. Lee stays quiet.

‘Plus, she’s special.’ My words are heated now. ‘She’s so bright. Like I-can-hardly-keep-up-with-her bright. My friend Mei is her teacher, and she’s mentioned the possibility of Phoebe skipping a grade, just like you did. Phoebe doesn’t want to leave her friends, but it’s an option.’

Maybe Lee can relate to Phoebe’s situation more than I can. Mei says it’s about keeping her engaged and stimulated, but Phoebe’s pretty set against moving up a grade and I have no idea what the right thing to do is. I don’t want her to be unhappy, but I don’t want her to be stifled either. It feels like there’s no right answer, and I’m the adult, I’m the one who is supposed to know what to do, but every decision I make has such enormous consequences for the rest of Phoebe’s life.

The money is part of that, too.

‘I want her to know that she has nothing but choices, open doors and a father who supports her. It would be selfish of me to throw a tantrum and turn my back on this money if it can provide a future for my daughter. I can jump through a bunch of stupid hoops… for her.’

Lee considers this for a moment. ‘So,’ she says slowly, ‘this is what Magda was talking about. With the trustee investigating you, a quickie divorce from the woman you drunkenly married in Las Vegas is—’

‘A disaster,’ I finish. ‘Ironically, I’m the most stable and responsible I’ve ever been. Phoebe must have overheard me joking with Magda that the only thing I needed was a pretty, dependable wife to go with the kid and the dog and the house in the suburbs.’

‘Of course, nothing screams dependable like a ready-made wife who’s an accountant,’ she says, and I don’t know if I’m imagining the touch of hurt in her voice.

‘This is why I didn’t want to tell you. It’s my mess, not yours. Magda means well but she should never have let Phoebe talk her into this. I’ll figure something out.’

I have no idea what, but there has to be a way around it.

‘When is the trustee coming to assess you?’

‘Next Sunday. A week from now.’ My jaw tightens at the idea. ‘Maybe there’s a way to keep this all quiet. Rush through the paperwork.’

Lee shakes her head. ‘I don’t think so. If this person is any good at their job, they’ll have run a background check on you. Our marriage certificate is filed. They’re probably expecting to meet your wife. It’s actually better that you heard it all from me now, rather than having it dropped on you then. At least there’s still time to prepare.’

‘Bloody hell.’ I can’t believe that hadn’t occurred to me. Of course Lee’s right. There’s documentation; the wedding might have been a drunken blur but our marriage is legal. It’s why Lee came all this way in the first place. Obviously my dad’s lackey is going to know about it already. If it wasn’t such a massive fuck-up it would be funny – I was literally the last person to find out I have a wife.

Lee. My wife.

‘What if I stay?’ Her voice rings loud in the quiet of our surroundings.