Page 134 of Let’s Make a Scene

“You do know I love you guys, though,” I say, finally.

“Of course we do,” Arjun pipes up.

“And we love you,” Liam adds.

“We’re family,” Patty insists.

And then they’re all hugging me and even though I can’t breathe, I think maybe there’s something to this whole sharing-your-feelings business after all, because for the first time today I don’t feel worried at all.

“But seriously… can we get off the floor now?” Arjun asks.

Chapter 43 CYNTHIE

Over the next few days, I amass a collection of love letters, each one as romantic, funny, and openhearted as the first. Jack and I spend a lot of time together, both on set and off. He folds so seamlessly into my life, into my family, that it feels like he’s always been there.

With every day that passes I feel some of my anxiety loosen. I even have my first therapy session, online via Zoom with a UK-based therapist Clemmie recommends. It looks like this:

Me

I just think I’m pretty self-aware and in touch with how I think and feel about things, so I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to get out of this process.

Her

Okay.

Me

*Sobs hysterically for sixty minutes.*

Her

Why don’t we schedule another session for tomorrow?

Me

Okay.

The problem that I’m facing now is that Jack is being extremely respectful of me and my feelings and he has made no push to do more than spend time with me, talk to me, and write me searingly beautiful letters.

Frankly, it’s a nightmare.

“He won’t even hold my hand!” I hiss to Hannah.

“Why don’t you hold his hand?” she asks.

Because this is an absolutely valid point, I decide not to dignify it with an answer. The thing is, I know that Jack is waiting for some sort of signal or sign from me, but I don’t know what that looks like or even if I’m totally ready for it. The last thing I want to do is mess this up. It’s too important. I’m a mess of indecision. I can see that I’m sabotaging my own happiness, but somehow I can’t stop it.

Even after everything he’s done there’s still a part of me that can’t believe he really feels for me what he says he does. And I have no idea how to fix that.

“Just jump on him,” Patty advises. “Bang this shit out.”

“My wife, the romantic,” Arjun supplies fondly.

Maybe she’s right. After all, the amount of time I spend thinking about getting Jack back into bed… or against a wall… or really on any flat surface is bordering on perverse.

And now he’s on a bloody horse.

“I can’t believe that Reckless Ed is still going strong,” I say, patting the big, beautiful horse’s neck.