Page 71 of A Game of Scandal

“Yes,” Ash said, and he raised my hand to his lips, pressing a soft kiss into the palm like a promise. “I can understand that.”

The air between us buzzed, so thick with emotions I was surprised we couldn’t see them dancing through the air. Again, I had that sense of a connection between us, an invisible thread that seemed as if it had always been there.

“Would it make you feel better,” he asked after a long moment, “if I promise, very solemnly, that I will never ask you to marry me?”

My eyes flew to his, which I saw were back to their normal state, lit with mischief. “Yes, actually, it would,” I replied.

“Then I swear it. Felicity Vane, whatever you and I are will be perfect and ours. We will never be respectable.” Ash laid his other hand against his chest like he was taking a pledge. I heard the echo of the words Iris, Cassie and I had spoken months earlier.

And I looked up at the stars and laughed.

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

The next morning I was still mooning over the encounter with Ash when Laetitia laid her newspaper aside and looked at me over the breakfast table.

“I thought perhaps you’d like to attend a mathematics lecture this morning.” She spoke quite calmly, though her words hit me like a thunderbolt.

“A … lecture,” I repeated. “A university lecture?”

A flicker of impatience crossed her face. “Of course a university lecture. I thought that was why you were here. Oh.” She cut off whatever I was about to say with a wave of her hand. “I’m perfectly aware that you and Freddie were driven here by some nefarious forces that I would rather not know about, but you didn’t have to stay, did you? You want to be here, and you want to see what college life is like. So I thought that’s what we should do.”

“I – yes,” I managed, trying to present a picture of dignified intelligence while my coffee cup trembled in my hand and my feet began dancing under the table. “I would like that very much.”

Laetitia sniffed. “I’ll have to accompany you. Female students must be chaperoned when they attend lectures. Professor Carmichael is one of the few mathematics lecturers who will admit women to his classes.”

“The female students can only attend some of the classes?” I frowned. I hadn’t considered the limitations I might face once I actually got to university.

Laetitia gave a humourless laugh. “It’s an imperfect system.” She picked up her own cup of coffee and sipped, watching me over the rim. “There are not many female academics because few women have university educations. Young women are therefore largely at the mercy of the male academics, and they may make choices about who they teach at their own discretion. And there are complaints, of course.’

“Complaints?” I asked. “From whom?”

“From the other students. The male ones, that is.”

I frowned. “But how does it affect them?”

“My dear” – Laetitia’s look was pitying – “it doesn’t. But some say it does – others even believe it does. Change is frightening for a lot of people – particularly those who are used to privilege and power. Naturally, they’re not interested in dismantling a system that works so well for them. They claim to be worried that the course material will change – that it will be simplified to make it comprehensible to women.”

“But … that’s nonsense,” I exclaimed. “My mind works quicker than any man I know. That is not me being boastful. I only mean…”

“I know what you mean.” Laetitia sighed. “I’m certain you would thrive in an environment like Cambridge, Felicity – you deserve to be here; you deserve the opportunity to work and stretch your mind, to challenge yourself and achieve new heights. I only wish to prepare you…” She trailed off, drummed her fingers on the table. “Life here, as a woman,” she continued softly, “it’s not all a bed of roses. There are plenty of thorns that you will have to march through if you wish to follow this path. The Ladies’ Dining Society are the minority here.”

I sat, digesting this for a moment. “I’d still like to go,” I said. “To the lecture, if you’ll take me.”

“I’ll be glad to.” Laetitia rose to her feet. “And, afterwards, Caroline would like to show you around Newnham.”

“I would enjoy that,” I said quietly.

The lecture was to take place in King’s College and we entered through a set of large iron gates, making our way down an avenue shaded from the morning sun by a canopy of fresh, bright green provided by the lime trees that lined the walk. I tried to concentrate only on the thrill of excitement that I felt, but Laetitia’s words had left me off balance. Certainly the two of us attracted more than one scornful glance from the clusters of young men that we passed, and I felt the eyes on me, the muttered comments. Even here, there was scrutiny.

When we crossed the bridge over the river, and I had my first proper view of the university, the stately buildings and the magnificent chapel arranged round an immaculately tidy lawn, I felt such a rush of sensations that it was difficult to untangle them.

It was beautiful, so beautiful that I was almost unbearably moved by it. I had only ever seen grainy pictures of the place and they could never do it justice. It was like something out of a fantasy of what scholarly life could be – a place where knowledge and learning were a palpable presence, baked into the bricks of the elegant buildings.

And yet … to feel that all this was here, that it existed, but that it was inaccessible except to a privileged few, it sparked something inside me, an angry flame that burned small and hard.

Laetitia and I had to enter the lecture hall separately to the male students, and we were escorted up to a gallery, removed from the noisy hustle and bustle of the students settling themselves below. There was another young woman up here, accompanied by an older lady in a drab grey dress. She nodded her head to me in acknowledgment, but her concentration remained focused on the gentleman who was unpacking his bag at the front of the class: Professor Carmichael.

My attention was drawn to the crowd below. I suffered a jolt of surprise when my eyes met those of Mr Trent, who had clearly returned from his suspension.